Midgets in Gym
It's not unusual to run into various types of anabolic steroid users, from the typical male, 18-35, to older folk, women, even mentally challenged bros like my friend Bull Dawg. But who can honestly say they know a person suffering from dwarfism who is a heavy gear user? Well, I certainly can, and he's a bastard to boot!
The other day at the gym, I was collecting all the 45 pound plates in the place in order to load up the leg press with a challenging weight when, lo and behold, I literally stumbled on a midget doing dumbbell curls. Dwarves are usually stumpy, but this fellow was literally as wide as he was tall (perhaps 4 feet), and looked liked a jacked up version of wee-man--A Fireplug of Muscle that was built like a Brick Shithouse. I stopped in front of him and looked down, staring. "What the fuck you lookin' at, stretch?" the little devil snarled. "Pound for pound, I'm the strongest in this gym with a penor twice the length of guys two feet taller" he bragged. "See, folks like me get more out of steroids cause of our being smaller" he snapped. Then he waddled proudly over to an Olympic bar loaded up with 500 pounds and deadlifted it, albeit his range of motion was a only few inches due to his size. Swelling up his barrel chest, he walked by me, as if I were supposed to be impressed. I thought. I heard him mutter "fuckin' meathead". Later, I noticed him cursing some other lifters, and lecturing them on proper gear use. He even challenged one of them to a fight!
At the time, I was too shocked by the sight of the little freak to correct his arrogant attitude, but I lay in bed that night, shaking in rage. The next time I saw him, there would be a reckoning.
Before I get accused of being racist against midgets... I googled midgets that night. I didn't have no hateration on midgets... in fact they make me laugh when they're doing things. i.e.- dressed in costumes and such... but the moar I read the more I suspected dwarfs were up to something....
-there was a story, on FOX news about how midgets were behind the 9/11 attacks. They were talking about how midgets planned the attacks because they are tired of they way they are treated. Some of the midgets they interviewed in a group called "midgets against terror midgets" think Bin laden was actually a midget. They think that is why he always had a long robe on so you can't see the legs were fake...
-and then Youtube got some midgets fighting on Springer...
-another story about midget being banned from the International Limbo Competition....
-story about how midgets only need 4 hours of sleep at night since they are half sized....
So the moar I read the moar sinister it all sounded....
The other day at the gym, I was collecting all the 45 pound plates in the place in order to load up the leg press with a challenging weight when, lo and behold, I literally stumbled on a midget doing dumbbell curls. Dwarves are usually stumpy, but this fellow was literally as wide as he was tall (perhaps 4 feet), and looked liked a jacked up version of wee-man--A Fireplug of Muscle that was built like a Brick Shithouse. I stopped in front of him and looked down, staring. "What the fuck you lookin' at, stretch?" the little devil snarled. "Pound for pound, I'm the strongest in this gym with a penor twice the length of guys two feet taller" he bragged. "See, folks like me get more out of steroids cause of our being smaller" he snapped. Then he waddled proudly over to an Olympic bar loaded up with 500 pounds and deadlifted it, albeit his range of motion was a only few inches due to his size. Swelling up his barrel chest, he walked by me, as if I were supposed to be impressed. I thought. I heard him mutter "fuckin' meathead". Later, I noticed him cursing some other lifters, and lecturing them on proper gear use. He even challenged one of them to a fight!
At the time, I was too shocked by the sight of the little freak to correct his arrogant attitude, but I lay in bed that night, shaking in rage. The next time I saw him, there would be a reckoning.
Before I get accused of being racist against midgets... I googled midgets that night. I didn't have no hateration on midgets... in fact they make me laugh when they're doing things. i.e.- dressed in costumes and such... but the moar I read the more I suspected dwarfs were up to something....
-there was a story, on FOX news about how midgets were behind the 9/11 attacks. They were talking about how midgets planned the attacks because they are tired of they way they are treated. Some of the midgets they interviewed in a group called "midgets against terror midgets" think Bin laden was actually a midget. They think that is why he always had a long robe on so you can't see the legs were fake...
-and then Youtube got some midgets fighting on Springer...
-another story about midget being banned from the International Limbo Competition....
-story about how midgets only need 4 hours of sleep at night since they are half sized....
So the moar I read the moar sinister it all sounded....
There he was at the gym the next day, and I approached him, smirking, and made an innocent enough joke- 'Hey there, Tom Thumb, be careful, if immigration officers catch you they'll deport you back to the land of Lilliput!" I roared, laughing. Thor, my workout partner, came along and joined in the harmless jesting "Oi, little Hobbit, fuck off!" he quipped, and then kicked the little fellow over with his foot. Then Bull Dawg, a Down-Syndrome afflicted bodybuilder at the gym, came over, laughing, and kicked the little bastard in the face!
He wobbled to his feet, and ran out the gym, screaming "I'll be back with me mates, you assholes!!" as everyone roared with laughter.
Thirty minutes later, two vans pulled up outside the gym. At least 10 midgets came out the back doors, many of them weightlifters, and all of them looking pissed off. At the head of the army of little devils was the midget we had just humiliated. "Dwarfs or not, I'm going to rip them apart!" I thundered. Thor took his motorbike chain out of his gym bag, and a few other lifters came over. We headed out the front doors of the gym. Bull Dawg came charging to the fore, and ran out the front doors of the gym, screaming, swinging an e-z curl bar, and charged into the mass of midgets, like some kind of deranged samurai! We watched in awe as he cut a swath through the midget army. "I say Bull Dawg wins, 10 to 1 odds!" I declared, and with the other lifters, ran back into the gym and started collecting their bets on the outcome of the brawl. We shut the gym doors and watched. Most of the bets were against Bull Dawg...and I must say, Thor and I thought we would be out of pocket a pretty penny, as Bull Dawg was swarmed by the little bastards. One of them bit him in the crotch and he went down, then they all put the boots to him. "Ye Gods, we'd better get out there to help!" someone cried, and I smacked them in the face screaming "SILENCE!!...I got money on this fight... no body interferes...."
Just when it seemed Bull Dawg was beaten to death, he somehow, from the depths of his Quasimodo, mongoloid, superhuman strength, rose to his feet, roaring, and started picking up midgets and tossing them 50 feet through the air. They landed with a sick thud on the parking lot, and lay there, every bone broken. We cheered him on as he stomped them all down! Bull Dawg was the decisive winner when the police department arrived, and shot him with an elephant tranquilizer. Apparently they were prepared for Bull Dawg from the emergency call a passerby made to them...
(flashback)
*static noise then police radio sounds* "All available units-report of a superhuman retarded man beating up midgets. Proceed with caution..."
******************************
...And so they had come equipped with veterinary grade tranquilizer dart guns, the kind they use on elephants! Bull Dawg staggered around the parking lot, swinging his fists, until a few more darts brought him down. He was taken away by one of the ambulances that arrived on the scene!
He wobbled to his feet, and ran out the gym, screaming "I'll be back with me mates, you assholes!!" as everyone roared with laughter.
Thirty minutes later, two vans pulled up outside the gym. At least 10 midgets came out the back doors, many of them weightlifters, and all of them looking pissed off. At the head of the army of little devils was the midget we had just humiliated. "Dwarfs or not, I'm going to rip them apart!" I thundered. Thor took his motorbike chain out of his gym bag, and a few other lifters came over. We headed out the front doors of the gym. Bull Dawg came charging to the fore, and ran out the front doors of the gym, screaming, swinging an e-z curl bar, and charged into the mass of midgets, like some kind of deranged samurai! We watched in awe as he cut a swath through the midget army. "I say Bull Dawg wins, 10 to 1 odds!" I declared, and with the other lifters, ran back into the gym and started collecting their bets on the outcome of the brawl. We shut the gym doors and watched. Most of the bets were against Bull Dawg...and I must say, Thor and I thought we would be out of pocket a pretty penny, as Bull Dawg was swarmed by the little bastards. One of them bit him in the crotch and he went down, then they all put the boots to him. "Ye Gods, we'd better get out there to help!" someone cried, and I smacked them in the face screaming "SILENCE!!...I got money on this fight... no body interferes...."
Just when it seemed Bull Dawg was beaten to death, he somehow, from the depths of his Quasimodo, mongoloid, superhuman strength, rose to his feet, roaring, and started picking up midgets and tossing them 50 feet through the air. They landed with a sick thud on the parking lot, and lay there, every bone broken. We cheered him on as he stomped them all down! Bull Dawg was the decisive winner when the police department arrived, and shot him with an elephant tranquilizer. Apparently they were prepared for Bull Dawg from the emergency call a passerby made to them...
(flashback)
*static noise then police radio sounds* "All available units-report of a superhuman retarded man beating up midgets. Proceed with caution..."
******************************
...And so they had come equipped with veterinary grade tranquilizer dart guns, the kind they use on elephants! Bull Dawg staggered around the parking lot, swinging his fists, until a few more darts brought him down. He was taken away by one of the ambulances that arrived on the scene!
