Mule's Blog: March 2022

Look, there's a post on Mule's Blog!
Meh, it's just a re-upload...
Whep, better than nothing I guess....

Story by Mule, edits by Stefan McEdits and art by Artist O'Braugh

Mule chewing the fat with his buddies at Dooley's, an Irish bar on Magazine Street, in New Orleans Irish Channel on St Patrick's Day

We sure missed you, Mule-bro, what does Dallas have you
can't get here?
A lower crime rate, a bigger house I can afford and a high
paying sports lawyer job!
O.K. besides those minor details...

No sluts...unless you suck my dick!
Say what?
Management rules!
Doesn't seem legit, but okay!

Okay, I gave you the blow job, now can I go in?

I like your skills, I get off at 2am and know a much more
fun place, wanna meet me there?

So what do you exactly do at your job?

Protect very stupid people from themselves and their
imbecilic impulses!

YOU, as the voice of reason? Sounds dangerous for your
clients...

You don't realize how stupid my clients can be, not just the
players, but also the owners...

Do you have any wrestlers as clients?

Alas no, that is more the purview of entertainment lawyers...
Isn't Sports also entertainment?
Yeah...but Sports are not scripted...

Everything all right, hon? Can I get you anything else?

Can I get something...OFF the menu?

You can order anything you want, Cher...but whether you get
delivery all depends on who you are, and how you ask!

What can a guy like me get?
Well honey, you can can a fresh order of LOST.

🎵 Oh Danny Boy, you're going home alone tonight, oh Danny
boy your date again will be your hand...🎵

Now don't be that way darlin'!

Cover charge? I don't have any cash, girls don't pay for drinks,
at least not hot chicks like me!
I think we can work something out...
Since when has there been a cover charge here?
Since you came up, wearing that and looking so hot!

New Orleans, where us rats eat well!

Did I ever tell you my story about my adventure with a
Phantom Mare?
No, Mule, what happened?

Mule and Pa are engaged in a wide ranging discussion touching on many issues. Well, Mule was actually doing all of the talking. But that was understandable, Pa was a simple Amish farmer, while Mule has self education on many topics by watching a lot of YouTube videos. Mule holds many opinions, but as he is quick to tell you, it's hard enough just remembering my opinions, I can't be expected to remember the reasons for them too. And as Mule has said on many occasions, Education is important, but sometimes big biceps are importanter!

...so these two thugs think they tough shit, mouthin' off at my
strong-assed self. I'm like *fuk this shit, and start crackin'
skulls. I hit one and he went down like a sack o' shot, other guy
tries pussyin' out and shit sayin' how it weren't his fault. I
don't give a fuk, the mofos be hollerin' sayin' this guys got a
gun, he then pulls it out and shoots me. Luckily, my jacked
muscle fibers stopped the bullet, turns out I got bulletproof
skin or some shit. I knock him the fuk out then go on with my
daily business...

...a man can build a thousand bridges and suck one cock, he
will always be known as a cocksucker... I found out he was gay
when I was once doing him in the butt, and he turned around
and tried to kiss me. I was like: 'WTF man that's fucking gay,
don't try to kiss me you homo!' Then after I finished inside of
his anus, got dressed and left, I felt disgusted thinking how
close I had come to having a homosexual experience...

...We need to domesticate new animals seriously. I'm sick of all
this cat and dog chit. We got a million fucking animals running
around just being useless as fuk. We should tame mooses and
weasels n' chit. Would be dope as fuk to walk a wolverine down
the street. Or if you have a big pool you can have a pet seal and
feed it clams and teach it tricks. Imagine getting a pet dolphin
and going scuba diving with it? Man, that would be fun as fuk...

Can you play something LOUD to drown out all the stupid crap
that big meathead is spewing?

Maybe I can "accidently" drop this barrel on Mule's head to
shut him up for a few minutes

.... woman like big schlongs it a fact! Women can have children
come out of their vag, so how you meant to please them with a
small penis! It's useless bro, they like bigger penis period! It
doesn't matter if its on a short man, or big man. they just like
huge cocks....

...I'm A Murican and I hate the French!
I hate every Jerry Lewis loving, Street Corner Miming,
Baguette eating, effete culture snobbish one of them...
But isn't that weird, given you are of French ancestry, Mule?
Don't be using logic when I am being A MURICAN
CHAUVINIST err I mean PATRIOT!!

Squats give me a really nice ass that girls love! But it is hard to
find jeans that fit when you have big-ass horse quads. I do
deadlifts for two reasons" 1. to be able to lift cars off people in
the event that I need to. Saving someone by doing this, will
definitely impress the chicks. 2. intimidate other males and let
them know that I rule the gym...

'Never Back Down' inspired me to be a UFC fighter. On the
way out of the theater some punk spilled root beer on my Tapout
shirt, so I kicked over his wheelchair and choked him out...

So who is this dude in the picture, Mule?
I don't have a clue to be honest.

Hey, DaMarcus JaMacus Daquan Jr., the third.
I got a question when you're off the phone.

Sort of an odd pose don't you think, Mule?
I dunno, it sort of reminds me of those Instagram sluts with the
Facebook angles. I mean you got to admit that's a hell
of an ass.

That is Captain Richard "Big Dick" O'Dooley!

He was the founder of this bar. He was the Police Chief of the
City of New Orleans for 40 years.
He never married, he said he was married to his job.

In 1966, he scored four touchdowns in a single game while
playing for the Poke High School Panthers in the 1966 city
championship game versus General Lee High School, including
the game-winning touchdown in the final seconds against his
old nemesis, "Spare Tire" Dixon.

Dooley's was famous for it's drag queen shows back in the day.
It also had the first male go-go dancers of any bar in
New Orleans.
Rex Reed was a pole dancer here back in the Disco era.
Tennessee Williams used to stuff Rex's g-string with
one dollar bills.

Da fuk? Rex who? Tennessee Ernie Ford? The dude that sang
"Big John". My mind is boggled...

Yeah, with Big Dick O'Dooley as Police Chief and Jim Garrison
as District Attorney and Edwin Edwards as Governor, it was
the golden age of permissiveness here in the Big Easy.

Unfortunately, when the Feds went after Edwin they got
Big Dick too, malfeasance in office, racketeering, human
trafficking, corruption, homicide, Mann Act, treason, ....
whatever they could think of to get him out of office!

He fought the charges of course, but it didn't help that all the
charges were true. He was convicted, and sentenced to 278
years at hard labor. He served 8 months and was given a full
Pardon by President Bill Clinton at 11:57 AM on the President's
last day in Office

He now lives on Little Saint James Island,
a private island in the Virgin Islands, as a permanent
guest of the late owner of the island, Jeffery Epstein.

I decide to help out by taking some trash out to the dumpster.

I dump the trash in one of the bins and turn around and who do I see smoking a cigarette over by the dumpster but my arch-enemy, Mike, the fat muscle fuck.

Mule Takes Out the Trash

...and Who Does He See in the Alley, but...

His Old Nemesis Mike chilling in the Alley

Mike and I have gotten into a couple of WWE Slam-a-rama worthy brawls over the years. In fact, I am still paying higher insurance premiums on my jeep as a result of the collateral damage from our last altercation. Being body slammed across the hood and running someone's head into the driver's door leave some dents that are pretty hard to chock up to vandalism.

I thought he had left town, or was in jail or something, since I hadn't seen his big muscle ass in a minute. Not since I had pounded him senseless as usual. I look at Mike...or make that Mike-&-a-half. To be honest, it looks like the huge meathead had been living in a gym. I wonder how many cheeseburgers, pizzas and beers he consumed to get that size.

Mike: Impressive, muscular, and ready for a fight

Mike just stood there, not flexing; just those little twitches that really BIG men get that pop a slab of muscle into relief every now & then.....”So what do you think, Mule! You admiring?”

I couldn’t believe the words that blurted out of my mouth....”Impressive, I got to admit. What have you been doing?”

“It’s sort of a visualization thing, Mule ,” Mike explained...

“....on the first set, I think about what you’ve done to me...”

He bounced his massive pecs to punctuate his remark.

“Then on the next set; I think about what I’m going to do to you...”

Mike continued.“On every set, every exercise, every body part, every workout; over & over again; every day for the LAST YEAR!!!”

Mike hit a mind-blowing double-bicep to add emphasis to his words!!! “Hard to argue with results, ain’t it?” he asked as he watched with growing pleasure as my eyes tried to take it all in. He lowered the giant hams; standing relaxed again. When your arms are bigger than your head, you are definitely jacked.

"Fuk, he was pretty hard to beat before. and it sure looks like he is going to be a heck of a lot harder to beat, now!" I think.

Don't look so surprised, big man. I recognized your Jeep
and been waiting for you! I see you fixed the dents!

Mike was even bigger than the last time I saw him!

"I recognized your jeep, big man. I couldn't believe my luck. I been hoping to run into you again, and was beginning to give up hope. As you can see, I am already dressed for a fight." It's a warm humid Louisiana night and Mike has already stripped down to his briefs, ready to battle.

He throws his cigarette down to the ground and we both know whats going down. I noticed, and not for the first time, there was a sizable package in those figure-hugging briefs.

Drop that trash so I can commence kicking some Mule ass...

Mike is a powerlifter, and while he does not have the physique of a bodybuilder like I do, I knew from our past encounters that this testosterone fueled epitome of male aggression was incredibly strong and dangerous.

Since my physique outclassed that fat muscle fuck by a mile I I decided I to give a dose of intimidation to this brute. I flare my lats to look as big as I can and intimidate the big fucker. I showed off my bodybuilder physique. I flexed up my 20” guns, pumping my upper arms into two big masses of balled muscle. As my lats flared out my delts and traps bunched up, I was intimidating as all fuck. I felt a flow of testosterone in anticipation of combat.

Mike didn't say a word, but with a cocky grin that said “Not bad, muscleboy!” But check THIS out!” as he responded with a double bi flex of his own. Mike wasn’t cut like me, but his upper arms were gigantic. Mike posed his upper body, thick layers of muscle under a layer of fat and a chest like a fortress. The sheer mass of the barreled torso was as impressive as fuck!

I thought you had left town, or was in jail or something,
since I haven't seen your big ass around in a while, Mike

It don't look like you have missed any workouts since I last saw
you, or any meals either for that matter...

Always with the wise cracks, pretty boy. I hate wise cracks,
Mule.

We mean mug each other for a bit.. but no shit talking ... our imposing mounds of muscles do the talking for us. Just two huge shirtless muscular opponents standing close to each other, breathing heavily and staring at each other's sweating pumped muscles, nostrils flaring like excited bulls eager to combat.

Mike's huge glutes and thighs are stretching his briefs as much as his boner is. I try to focus on something else, giving my pecs a few bounces, as well as a rolling them to accentuate the striations. Mike flexes in response. We continue to proudly show off our fully pumped, mammoth and powerful bodies as we prepare to wrestle each other in the dimly lit alley. Neither of us had any inhibitions as far as wrestling near-naked. Flesh-on-flesh, hard-packed muscle sweating against muscle. Now that was manly, that was real rough-house fighting. The feel of sweaty skin against bare knuckle. The give of powerful abs wilting under a hard fist. Nothing like it.

Mike shows off his strength by over head pressing the
dumpster overhead.

Mike challenges me to test of strength by over head pressing the dumpster overhead.

With a huge grunt he heaves the dumpster off the ground. I watch as his muscles strain, bulge, and ripple. A generous volume of sweat forms on his body, making his beefy pecs and hard abs glisten in the harsh security lights in the otherwise dark alley. My eyes look up and down the topography of his body- taking in the juts, ridges, plateaus, and canyons of his musculature.

"Heh. Yeah, you're still strong as fuck, Mike. Good. I'm sick of always holding back. That's why you're my favorite punching bag." I tell him, as he lowers the dumpster back to the ground.

He taunts me to show that I can match his strength and lift the heavy dumpster over my head.

He taunts me, demanding that I show that I can do the same
feat!

He goaded me into accepting his challenge to overhead press the heavy dumpster.

I accept his challenge of strength to overhead press the
heavy dumpster

Check it out, you fat motherphuker!

"Check it out, you fat motherphuker! Your not the only one with muscles in this alley, I got muscles too. Bigger and stronger than yours, doughboy."

Pretty impressive, Mike says.

Hold that position for just a few more seconds,
Mule-baby

"Pretty impressive," Mike says, as walks slowly around me, checking my lift. "Hold that position for just a few more seconds...."

Then, without warning, Mike fired a brutal kick into my flexed musclegut.“AWOOOOOOFFFF” I groaned, as my armor plated midsection caved in to Mike’s powerful kick. Wind and spit flies out my open mouth, as I drop the dumpster, my lungs heaving to replace the air just knocked out of me. As the dumpster comes crashing down with a huge bang, I double over holding my muscle gut and let out a man-bawl, a heavy-throated bellow of pain that was sweet music to Mike's ears.

Then, without warning, Mike fired a brutal kick into my
flexed musclegut. The dumpster falls as I drop to my knees,
doubled over holding my caved in abs.

Mike kicks me in my muscle gut. The dumpster falls and I drop to my knees, doubled over holding my caved in abs.

It was a devastating kick that had demolished the hard bricks that composed my thick abdominals. A pile-driver of a kick that had gone deep into my legendary abs, fabled to be near-impregnable. I recovered from the blow and stood up straight, my chest heaving. I massaged my hurting gut – my stomach had taken a hell of a bashing and I was feeling it. My abs were aching.

Stay down, bitch!
Stay on your knees where you belong!

Walking slowly towards me, the monster Mike bounced his thick pec slabs as he walked, his huge quads flexing with each step.

I recovered enough to stand up straight, but my chest was
heaving and my abs were aching

I waited for the right moment as Mike was rolling his shoulders and admiring his handiwork in putting me down, and then I slammed my right fist to the side of Mike’s big skull, and then my left fist. A shocked Mike cried out, holding his head and stepping back away from me. This time I didn't hesitate, I moved in and started pummeling the muscled beast’s hard gut and chest with powerful blows. I tried for more shots to the big man’s head, but his thick forearms were protecting his head.

I slammed both my hammer fists onto each of Mike’s mountainous traps, forcing the powerhouse to drop to one knee.

I slammed both my hammer fists onto each of Mike’s
mountainous traps, forcing the powerhouse to drop to
one knee

I slammed my right fist to the side of Mike’s big skull, and
then my left fist.

I tried for more shots to the big man’s head,
but his thick forearms were protecting his head!

I kick Mike in the abs while he is on his knees, only to have
him catch my foot before it connects, while he sweeps my
other leg, causing me to face plant on to the hard pavement!

I kicked Mike in the gut while he is on his knees, and I was rewarded, for my effort, with a pain filled grunt from Mike. I try to repeat the kick to his musclegut, but that was a mistake, because this time he catches my foot when I kick, and at the same time sweeps my other leg, causing me to collapse face-down on the pavement.

Then Mike threw his backside on my back, legs straddling my wide back beneath him. Mike quickly grabbed me by the chin, and heaved back. Mike’s arms bulged with furious determination. Mike leaned back and forced me into a tortured bend of my back. Mike’s hands were digging into my chin, heaving backwards, as his arms turned into iron, his teeth gritted, shoulders heaving, his own head thrust back, his muscled backside digging into my own sweaty muscle ass. Both of us groaned. Me from pain, Mike from his efforts.

Mike had Mule in a Camel Clutch!

Seated, straddling my back, Mike's shoulder muscles, rounded and full, swelled to monstrous proportions as he was pulling my torso up off the ground. Incredible power flowed through his striving sinews. Unbelievable strength flowing through popping muscle. Mike then jumped his huge ass onto my lower back, with a back-breaking heave with his arms.

Mike had me trapped in his iron grip, with my elbows trapped
over his powerful thighs. The blond brute grabbed me by the
chin and heaved back!

Mike leaned forward and grabbed one of my arms, folding it back over his own knee. Then grabbed my other arm too, and wrapped it over his other knee. Then with a long loud grunt of effort, Mike leaned back. I was now being pulled off the ground by my chin, neck and backbone crushed painfully backwards, my back being continuously tortured. I was unable to use my arms to break the agonizing hold that he was using to break my big strong back.

Groans of pain and helpless frustration from your trapped
Mule

Mike could feel my big bulging biceps pinned over the tops of his massive thighs, struggling, straining. My hands waving uselessly, Mike had me trapped in his iron grip, with my elbows trapped over his powerful thighs. He slowly leaned back further and drew more snorted bursts of pain and noisy groans of pained frustration bursting out of my mouth.

"This is what real strength feels like, Mule! Give up and admit I'm stronger!" Mike demanded.

This is what real strength feels like, Mule!
Give up and admit I'm stronger!

"AGH!" was my only reply.

"Give Up!!" Mike yelled

"NOOO!!" I growled, defiantly.

"Submit, Mule! You're finished!! You're fucking finished..." Mike demanded my surrender again.

Finally, when he thought he had weakened me sufficiently, he released his Camel Clutch and began to pull me by my hair onto my knees.

“I’m really glad you won’t give up, Mule” Mike panted.

"You sure are a tough piece of shit for a pretty muscle boy. But That's OK, I’m not done yet! I've got lots more to show you!"

My big body was in hellish pain, I was unable to decide if the pain my abs or my low back hurt worse. Mike was grinning, and from my kneeling position right in front of his junk I could see that the thrill of working me over was going straight to his crotch. Mike's huge horse-sized cock was straining against his spandex shorts and I could see his swollen bull-size balls throbbing through the fabric; begging for release!

You sure are a tough piece of shit for a pretty muscle boy!

“SOOOO, do you wanna hit the gym tomorrow. Mule ? You and me? Do you wanna show everybody what you're been doing all night?...” he put his foot on the back of my neck to pile on even more humiliation. "AND WHO’S BEEN DOING IT TO YA’????”! he yelled. " Do you think all your fan- boys at the gym would like that?!? Do ya, Mule???”

I used my head. And by using my head I mean my thick skull rammed Mike in the gut. My big head was buried up to my ears in Mike's thick gut. When my head unexpectedly collided with his stomach it knocked Mike backwards. An upward cut of my fist snapped into Mike’s balls bending him forwards. He roared at the pain. But as he roared his head was locked in a tight grip under my arm, bending him doubled-up and racing him forwards.

I look for the nearest solid object to run Mike's trapped

head into!

I had Mike's head under my arm, doubled-up alongside my hip. And then I ran with Mike’s head trapped under my arm, looking for the nearest solid object to run it into. That turned out to the the dumpster. So I ran the asshole’s head smack into the dumpster, colliding with a sickening thud!

I slam Mike's gorilla-sized noggin into the dumpster. There's
a loud thud as thick skull meets steel!