BODY BUILDER BASH-THE 2020 REMAKE

You may have noticed over 2019 and now into 2020, that MULESBLOG has jumped on the HOLLYWOOD banner of making remakes of old beloved posts, now a few of you think this is for the same reason that Hollywood does it, because we are all out of ideas---

NOTHING can be further from the truth, we just like to update old classics from a few years past, to make them all spiffy and shiny for our ever expanding GLOBAL audience, in fact the 2015 version of the story was a remake of a blog post from an earlier incarnation of MULESBLOG.  I know what some of you snipers are going to say next, you are going to say we are out of ideas here, and that you want a full refund!  Well that sort of unfair criticism just makes the MULESBLOG CREATIVE DEPARTMENT (MULE) furious, it is like pulling on our tits and giving them a painful squeeze!

Central Casting is still deciding on whether to cast CHRIS HEMSWORTH, CHRIS PRATT or KELLIAN LUTZ in the coveted role of MULE, none of them are big enough, but the bigger guys just don't have the box office draw of these three, so HOLLYWOOD is apt to make size revisions when it comes to KA-CHING!

2019 Was a great blog year

BUT JUST WAIT!

Welcome to 2020: The Year Mule is re-elected to another term as: BEST BLOGGER IN THE WORLD!

THINGS I KNOW:

NYE second only to Feb 14 as one of the most challenging days of the year in terms of harem management... 

Instructions Below!!!

From poster advertising the Bodybuilder Bash

Each spring, I throw a huge Bodybuilder Bash at my “mansion” MULE MANOR.  Only bodybuilders and cardio bunnies are allowed to attend, and they are flown in from all over the world to be there…o.k. I exaggerate a “tad”, they be from all over DALLAS-FT. WORTH AREA.  This year, I was determined to make it the most legendary of them all, and I think it’s safe to say I succeeded.  Needless to say there hasn't been a bash like this in my development since T-Boone Pickens passed, and I suspect just like after his bashes, to be getting angry calls, emails and written notices from the HOA!

Way to keep up the legacy, MULE!!!!

Hollywood remake version of MULE MANOR in Dallas 

I called up Optimum Nutrition about their bulk rate for whey and had them bring in two dump-trucks full of protein powder, which was dumped on my front yard. Also, I called up a supplement company in Ukraine, makers of a top secret Creatine which is 700% more volumizing than creatine monohydrate.  I also added metric ton of Preworkout from an Indian in Mumbai,  took 3 months to get here and I had to pick it up at the dock in Houston never have I seen a Pre Workout marked  "Caution: Flammable" before, though.

Not to mention having to go through hazardous materials customs and fill out all the extra paperwork was both annoying and disconcerting!

Each bodybuilder who showed up was required to bring with him a minimum of 10 cardio bunnies. I sent my MAIN sloot out of town with her friends (who were doing double duty as my side sluts) for the weekend.  Sure it was supposedly a Bodybuilder themed party, but what if...

This was some opportunity for Mule to explore some greener pastures. NEW YEAR, NEW SLOOTS AS I ALWAYS SAY!!!!

If any of last year's sloots want to stay, they will have to adjust, otherwise it is OFF THEY GO, just like MOLASSES GIRL!

Yeah, I know what the few soy boy, vegan, castrated pc males who read this blog are thinking---

MULE YOU TESTOSTERONE DRIVEN TOXIC
 MASCULINITY EMBODIMENT, MALE CHAUVINIST PIG
 WITH DOUBLE STANDARDS FOR MEN AND WOMEN!!!!!

Besides, dat ass doe!!!!!

Back to the PAR-TAY OF ALL PAR-TAAAAAAYS!

MEATHEADS, SLOOTS GALORE, WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG I THOUGHT...

Clearly NOTHING, the plan was FULLPROOF!!!!!

The party was a huge success. I was sick of going out to the club and seeing AFC’s* in Abercrombie t-shirts and flip flops with 12 inch biceps peeking out. No, this was different. Everyone was sledding down the mountains of whey and having a good time.  Everybody who was anybody in the local meathead community was there!  

GEE-DOG

The Kid Chaos

Big Muscle Fan

CALHOUN

SHARLIN

All over there scarfing down the boudin balls and crawfish jambalaya and discussing their favorite blog stories.

Some muscular, but smaller guys were getting in as well, Billy Castell is cool, so he can stay, but I signaled two large meatheads: Dudley Jr. and Gerald L to escort the rest out!

Next  I signaled Lex to man the door to prevent any more of THAT!! Lex gave me a thumbs up before crushing up some ZMA pills and snorting them off a random cardio bunny’s tits.

Lex: Your muscles must be this big to get in this party.
 Beat it AFC!

Cool, there is  Ezekiel  who I haven't seen in a while. I thought he might have been Ghosting me.  He seems to be having a good time, busy challenging every set of ripped abs here to a gut-punching contest, LOL

Nick Russo, Andrew Bruno, Hercules Royal, Jase Russell, Mike Hercules Gargano and Simon Bear are all talking shit to each other and arm-wrestling.

The arm-wrestling crew is doing what arm-wrestlers do tonight!

 Typical.  But those big muscle boys are looking a little nervous tonight.  Apparently there is a rumor floating around that Erik Atlas may be making an appearance tonight!  If he does THERE WILL BE BLOOD and BROKEN FURNITURE, and the blood is not likely to be Atlas's, but the broken furniture will definitely be MINE!

Rumor is that Erik Atlas may be stopping by!

Good ole Erik Atlas can be counted on to liven up any party!

There's the new kid, Faustian, watching the arm wrestling crew.   Looks like he's got a crush on Hercules Royal.  Faustian must like them Huge, Hung and Hairy.  I  bet I can guess what those two horny mofos will be up to later tonight!

Hercules Royal and Faustian will be welcoming 
in the New Year shortly.
 It's all good as long as they keep that shit under the mistletoe!

Sergei Merc is over there at the beer keg talking with my Dad. Looks like they are comparing boots.  Also looks like Sergei is sizing my old man for a prison-style shivving. I  ain't worried none, my Pops can take care of himself. 

Sergei Merc out on mission for sloots
 and people to fight

Sergei Merc confronting my Dad over which boot is the 
GOAT  for a good STOMPING!

POPS

I see that Bill Wrestler and Mark Wrestler both made it this year. I have been meaning to ask if they are related. 

Garrett O IV  and Gary Briggle look to be arguing over politics. something about peach mints?  I don't have those but they sound good. Oh Dudley and Gerald are back from the ejections and have joined in the heated po-lit-ical debate!  Boy, Dudley sure Englishes well.  Barely any trace of a Cajun accent.

Political debates can get heated and out of hand,
especially when there is alcohol being consumed,
so I give such discussions a wide berth as a
matter of prudence!

Paul G Meyer and Charles MasculineWrestler Smith are discussing bearhugging, of course. 

Won't be long before the talk turns to actual demonstrations, I better clear some space!

Buck Rogers  a/k/a BlkHercules. Looking swole as fuck tonight!

Cannonball Chris is here all the way from Canada.  I almost missed seeing him. Chris may be the shortest dude here but he always makes his presence known!

And the quiet but deadly  Justin Lofate, best to steer him away from the bean dip---

I lat flared it over to the bar area (I hired a bartender for the night’s festivities)

The chicks were digging it!

 “Creatine and vodka, on the rocks” I snarled at him. He reached under the bar and pulled out a jar of CELL-TECH. I grabbed him by the shirt and lifted him off the floor. “I want the good stuff. Get that shit out of here.”  He nodded and meekly managed to whimper out a “Yes, Sir” as a stain spread down his pants leg.  “Fucking clean yourself up, Dude, you are a frickin’ disgrace.”   “Yes Mr. Mule, yes Sir” he squeaked obsequiously.  The bartender was a guy with 15 inch biceps, imagine my effect on 12s!

At this point I was approached by a smokin’ hot cardio bunny. “Mistah Mule, I presume” she said in a sultry Eastern European accent. “I hear you are zee Alpha Male, no?”

Me: “You heard correctly.”

CB: “I am so very thirsty. Vould you get me a drink?”

Now, any AFC* off the street would have fallen for this, but not Mule. I knew her game; there’s very few of them in the world but it was obvious I was dealing with an Alpha Female, very rare (less than .001% of human females are Alpha Females). This was obviously a fuck test.

But YOUR MULE is no pathetic AFC, he is a
VERITABLE CHAD THUNDERCOCK!

Me: “Get it yourself. I’ve got a party to attend to.” I walked away from her and climbed into the hot tub with another group of 7 or 8 cardio bunnies, who proceeded to feel on my 19 inch pythons. The Alpha Female, after getting her beverage, joined me in the jacuzzi.  The other CBs were mean mugging her with dagger eyes.

AF: “You have zee big arms, Mistah Mule.”

CB3: That is Lord Mule, show some proper respect- sniped one of the CB randoms

AF: “My apologies Lord Mule, I meant no disrespect for zee man wid zee bulging biceps!”

Me: “Pretty big jugs you got yourself, cupcake.”

AF: “Aye. I hate zis music. Vould you mind going to zee DJ and requesting a change for me?”

I raised my eyebrow. A second fuck test? I really was dealing with an Alpha Female. “You don’t like the fuckin’ music, go ask yourself. What do I look like, a fuckin’ AFC* here?” I snarled at her.  I then began seriously making out with not one, not two, but three of the random CBs, completely ignoring the Natasha.

About a half hour later, she approached again. “Lord Mule, I vant to get it on now. Meet me in zee upstairs bedroom and you can put it in my ass.”

To your AFC* off the street, he would jump at the opportunity. But I could see this was a THIRD fuck test, and a very good one at that, which can be executed only by ELITE Alpha Females.

I pulled her close to me and spoke right into her face, close enough that she could smell the natty PB and tuna fish on my breath. “Look. If I give you the pleasure of sleeping with me, it’s gonna be on my terms, when I want it, how I want it, what positions I want it. Got that SWEET CHEEKS?”

She jumped into my arms. “Amazing! You are ZEE first to pass all three of my FUCK tests. PLEASE FUCK me, LORD MULE, I beg you!” 

We went at it for about an hour in the pool house.

FAF:  (hearts spinning around her head)  “Oh my Lord Mule. We are perfect for each other. Alpha Male, Alpha Female, it’s a match made in heaven! Let’s get married and have children! I want you, only you forever more. There is no one for me but LORD MULE!”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. This supposed Alpha Female had turned AFC* and lost most of her accent within a matter of minutes. “What do you want from me? Diamond earrings? A gold ring that says ‘Mrs. Mule?”. I lit up a cigar. “You want a minivan so we can pick up the kids at soccer practice, take ‘em to Denny’s? You’re looking in the wrong place, cupcake.”

FAF: “But Doc Mule, I love you! I need you, I would die without you!”  She had hearts in her eyes, and the stench of stage 5 clinger about her. I often went by Doctor Mule, self-taught gynecologist.

I took a puff of my cigar. “Look baby. We’re different people. You want a white picket fence and a garden, I want wife beaters, cardio bunnies, fast cars, big pythons, crowbars. It wouldn’t work.”

I threw on my aviators and flared my lats.

“Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a party to attend to.” I walked back to the party while she sobbed softly in the pool house looking around for cutting tools for her wrists.

I was making out with this hot random CB who had taken to licking my face.  maybe she gives a decent blowjob.  So being a tad drunk, I pulled it out to found out, Not bad. Id give it a C+  Only problem is she had mentioned that she had a big black beast of a jealous bf, what I didn't know it was Black Hercules.  Didn't workout too well for me.  I would be it another shot but not worth the risk for a C+, but who did you think came up at that most inconvenient time, but my friend BH, himself!

DUDE!  YOUR COCK IS IN MY
GF'S FUCKING MOUTH!

"Sorry, Dude," I stammered. "I didn't know this sloot was with you!"

You WILL be sorry, asshole!

This is a mere taste of the pain I am going to inflict on you,
so stop screaming, pussy boi!

You want a fight BH, you'll going to fuckin' get one!

You were saying Mule, I am going to get what?
 The sight of you beaten down like a dog?

I  hear you like knuckle sandwiches Mule!
 I am now serving some up!

Is that all the fight you got in you Mule?
 C'mon get up pussy boi!

Game Over, White Boy!

Oh goddammit Mule you fucking pussy, you let Black Hercules
 beat your ass AGAIN!

GROAN!!!!!   I  will take that under advisement, Sharlin--  *passes out*

When suddenly I woke up on the floor, Mongo’s pitbull Fang was licking my face.  Well at least it wasn’t Mongo licking my face. The place was seriously trashed, musclemen and sloots were passed out all over the place and the joint was littered with pizza boxes, red plastic Dixie cups, used condoms and scattered articles of clothing.  It might not have been the party as visualized in my alcohol-inspired dreams, but it looks like it was just as much fun.  If only I could remember it, and that God damn guy would stop jackhammering my head.

Oh, well. Looks like I still got my choice of sluts.  But I was thinking I Might FUCK a manlet TONIGHT!  What could be more fucking alpha than rollin' up to the club, with all of your best mates, lookin'  really sic and swole. You walk in the club like you own the spot, chat up a few sloots with your mates, and you see some manlet in a tight v-neck just chillin, sippin' on his martini.  You just walk over and start using my famous PUA  skills on him, and then you just take him back to your flat and smash (raw dog).  Seducing and then fucking a straight guy is harder than fucking a chick, especially when he don't want to be fucked by a guy until you get to work on him, and then he is sucking cock and taking it in the ass for the rest of his life!  Sloots are easy at least if YOU ARE ME, but Straight guys are a challenge, so its an easy boost in Testosterone, when you take him, make him your bitch, and then he is lighting up your phone with texts begging for more for the rest of the week, while you ghost him in search of the next challenge!  YOUR MULE thrives on a challenge!  And more test will probably attract other girls...  2020 is going to be a great year, IF YOU ARE ME!!

So I targeted two likely Manlets who I could have fun with, so oozing charm I moseyed on up, but the two, I guess showing off in front of each other proved so obnoxious,

THE MANLETS WERE OBNOXIOUS,
WHICH IS NOT UNCOMMON FOR MANLETS

that I had to go to plan B and put on my POA game, PUNCH OUT ARTIST game for those of you not in the know!

With one Manlet slung over my shoulder, and one in a wheelbarrow that was in the alley, that I borrowed, I made my way back to MULE MANOR, with meathead and sloots still passed out!  When the Manlets came to, missing a few teeth and sporting some bruises, lumps and contusions, they were very much humbled and in awe, and set up about worshiping my muscles and my cock and serving as very useful cum receptacles!  I had done the world a great service by putting a pair of Manlets in their place, while I had fun, so WIN-WIN!

Except of course for the Manlets, they sort of lost, but they did get orally and anally fucked by me so--

AFC: Please go out with me, please, pretty please 

Bish: I wonder what MULE is doing, 

I should text him...

*AFC (from Urban Dictionary)

Average Frustrated Chump: A guy who lacks skills, and confidence when it comes to women.  He will often end up in the “friend zone” because he obeys girls like a slave.  An AFC in a bar with gorgeous women who sit in the corner, and ask himself “why aren’t they coming up to me.”  When he should be going up to them, but won’t, because he lacks confidence.