Battling Priests: Part One Wrestlemania

A COMIC BOOK STYLE ADVENTURE

Readers of this blog have given this two part story an average rating of 4.8 Mules out of 5

Ever since he met Father Brian, a.ka. "Beefcake Brian", Gary had been having the strangest Brokeback Mountain style dreams involving himself and the hunky Cowboy pastor!

One of Gary's Brokeback Dream Encounters...

Father Brian, the cowboy Priest from Wyoming 

Father Gary and Father Brian Go for a Ride?
(But apparently not bareback)

Of course there were some real-life encounters as well...like at the Pool! 

Wet Reality...

Father Gary  a.k.a.  "The Rocky Mountain Heartthrob" 

The Dean of the Retreat, looking out from his office felt
 the Devil's temptation as he watched Gary exercising

He was not the only priest checking the Denver Preacher out...

The sexual addiction counselors all agreed that the Denver
Pastor was making their jobs difficult, and their dicks hard

Father Gary was not only a source of constant temptation...

But struggled with strong temptations himself...

Those chiefly being "Beefcake Brian"
 and the Seductive "Gigolo Justin"

Father Brian swimming laps, his wet rippling muscles made
 quite the splash if you get our meaning...

I heard he wrestles, Father Gary... I'd love to put a few moves
 on him when he was in a singlet...

He looks like quite a handful...

Want to watch wrestling  on TV tonight?

Brian and Gary bond over their mutual love for wrestling, as they watch some WWE.

In the retreat house TV room....

These Professional wrestlers ain't worth shit....

These pussies wouldn't last five minutes with me....

You want to roll sometime?

Fuck yeah, do it.  I will be the ref....

Since wrestling, being considered a form of  "intimate and close contact",  would be against the rules of this spiritual retreat, both Fathers and Justin set their alarms for 2:45 a.m. so the match can take place in secret during the early morning hours.

Father Brian's room...

Father Brian sleeping soundly

"...It is not a sin if you do it with a priest, baby..."

"That's good honey pie, now take Father Brian
 to the promised land..."

2:45 a.m.

The Alarm rings....

That was SOME dream...I wonder if I should share
 THAT one in group...

Now to have some fun with that Colorado clergyman!

Father Gary's Room...

Father Gary is tossing and turning and
watching the clock waiting for the match.

Imagining his arms wrapped around the bulging,
sweaty muscles of "Beefcake Brian"

The minutes pass by excruciatingly slowly,
and it seems like an Eternity until...

It's finally time..

Back in Father Brian's room...

Brian checks himself out in the mirror.
 He's ready for the match. 

I am invincible, Father Gary is going DOWN!

and to the VICTOR belongs the spoils...

I wonder if Father Gary has ever had it COWBOY STYLE...

I can't wait to wrangle me some of that Coloradan beef

Back in Gary's room...

Flexing in the Mirror...

With a critical eye...

I like the cut of your jib, young man...

as the Bishop would phrase it...

I'm unbeatable... 

That cowboy is going to be hogtied and branded....

I wonder what it would it be like to wrestle...MYSELF!

Damn if that guy in the mirror doesn't make me
 HAWT AND HORNY...

Isn't it really a bigger SIN to deny all this sexy to others?

I just have no words for you right now, Gary!
 Such is my dissappointment

Storage Room...

Gary and Brian meet up secretly with Justin in the under renovation storage room where they will have privacy for the wrestling match.

This will be a nice clean match, as you are both priests...

Plenty of time for playing dirty, AFTER THE MATCH!

I will be wrestling with YOU, Justin,
after I deal with 'John Denver' here!

I think Justin will be wrestling the WINNER of this match,
 'Chris LeDoux', and that will be me!

You boast real big for a city boy...

I shall enjoy taking you down a peg, or two...or three...Gary

You will be wishing you stayed home on the range, Cowboy!

Stripping down to their singlets...

You are looking mighty purty in your singlet,
 Gary, purty skeered....

.

Only thing that scares me, is that I might hurt you so badly,
 you might need a doctor!

You must have been smoking some of the legal Colorado weed
 if you think THAT!

This is going to be FUN!--they both thought

At the urging of Gary, a  short prayer before they begin....

Our heavenly father...

You have created us to strive for our best...

...grant to us strength to pursue excellence to honor
 and extol YOUR glory...

...grant us courage,  endurance and humility
 in this upcoming struggle...

...as you aid us in wrestling with all of life's struggles...
as we make our path through this life of challenges...

...as we head to the promise of your heavenly prize...
the true and ULTIMATE victory, AMEN

Butting heads...

Looks like we are really turning Justin on...

From what I am feeling poking me,
he is not the only one, Denver!

Well I expect that is not EXACTLY a gun in your pocket,
 Cowboy, you seem happy to see me!

Call it a VICTORY BONER, anticipating my win!

Dream on, buttercup, DREAM...ON!

For a moment the contestants were not sure if they were
 about to FUCK or WRESTLE

Damn these two muscle studs, already have me strokin'
--thought Justin

Damn I don't care which one of them wins...I want to fuck
 them BOTH afterwards!--mused the fapping Justin

Brian bellowed: "Let's get this rodeo started!"
Justin nodded his approval and encouraged the adversaries to shake hands...

You shake like a girl, Cowboy...

I was taking it easy on you cream-puff, how do you like my
 VISE grip NOW, Father Gary...

Frankly it reminds me of my sister's grip, Cowboy....

Don't go overboard with the trash-talkin'  guys,
 remember we are all friends here

It is alright, Reverend J, Cowboy and I both know the score...

Yeah Ol' Mile High here will be holdin' no grudges when
I  grind him into the carpet!

As the two grapplers FINALLY set themselves to begin the match...
  Justin mumbled his own little prayer under his breath:
"Jesus, thank you for granting me the patience... I thought they would never shut the fuck up and get to fighting....Amen"

STAY TUNED FOR THE NEXT INSTALLMENT...

PART TWO: GRAPPLIN CHAPLAINS

Musings from Valhalla: Maldives

I always enjoy looking at where our viewers come from.  Almost half come from outside the United States.  Usually it is from places that I have heard of: Brazil, Germany, Italy, India, New Zealand, Russia, Sweden, U.K., Canada,etc...but sometimes it is from places I have to google.  One of these is the Maldives.  I googled and found this archipelago is a tropical paradise with all sorts of cool resorts!

I can imagine myself at one of their fancy resorts, sipping delightful fruity concoctions with umbrellas in them, and scoping out the sloots! Now if only a valuable football player would hole up there during signing season...so I could say to my boss.  "I hear they have Zika there, better let me go, you are are far too valuable to the firm!" 

Might have to be here another day or so boss....

As for the Zika...I will take precautions....

Because JUST FUCKING LOOK AT THIS PLACE!

*cough, cough*  excuse me, Mule

You know Mule, you can get Zika
 from sexual contact with
an infected person!

Damn it doctor....what is the point of a tropical paradise if I can get the Zika from banging sloots!!!!! Still if I wear a condom, risk is low...and rewards are high... hmmmmmm

Now to fulfill the blog's educamational requirements for tax-exempt status....

http://www.cdc.gov/zika/transmission/sexual-transmission.html

Musings from Valhalla: A Treat for Erik Atlas fans

SHOUT OUT!

For those of you who are Erik Atlas fans, check out this new book:

HERO

and check out OUR blog stories that feature Erik Atlas:

Car Wash

Erik Visits the Gas Station

Atlas the Biker vs. Tyrone

And stay tuned for a new story that will feature Erik Atlas...SOON!

Musings from Valhalla:Female Chimpanzees Manipulate Males to Do Their Bidding

Female chimpanzees manipulate males to do their bidding

"In most cases it involves females who recruit a male to attack another female. The threatened female challenges her opponent with a high-pitched, indignant bark, at the same time kissing and making a fuss of the male. Sometimes she points at her opponent. A characteristic feature of instigation is that females who have done the instigating do not join in when the male undertakes some action. They leave him to do the job on his own."

"A female who is being threatened, who are often the instigators of the fights, may run to the most dominant male and sit down beside or behind him, whereupon the attacker will not dare to proceed."

Of course, genetics is all that matters in the chimp world, and it's often all about the face. In fact the females will often purposely help a selected male become the alpha, it is not always simply a power battle. In experiments where one male is not the dominant yet, the females will select a favorite and help him fight the other male. The only reason they'd select one is because they think he is sexier, so much like humans it's not always the biggest and baddest selected but who appears to have the best genetics overall.
Nikkie is the alpha male of the group. You can't see his muscular frame but you can see his GOAT facial aesthetics. Luit is 2nd and Yeroen is 3rd, just as you'd expect. It's all about the face. Dandy the ugly **** is last and NONE of the males tolerate him attempting to **** the females.

However don't feel too bad for Dandy.. ugly human males have it MUCH worse. Dandy actually still gets sex now and again.. he will nudge a female when he thinks no one is looking and they will sneak behind a tree (sloots gonna sloot). When the female is about to orgasm, she will let out a sharp cry to attract the attention and challenge of the other males. They do this with every male, not just Dandy.. in fact with Dandy they've learned to try and quiet their instinctual moan as they want to avoid conflict.. similar to humans evolving beyond their instincts and trying to control them.

So basically the females chill all day and have GOAT lives whilst they manipulate the males into a constant struggle of violence and dominance. This obviously pales in comparison to the depths of female human manipulation over male humans, but it's a great insight into our past, and a great foresight for where feminists want to take us. 

In civilization they are controlled, but in tribal societies it is women who are in control. They sit around all day, the males feed them, they manipulate the males into violence, they manipulate the dominant, dumb male to be their protector, whilst still cucking him in secret. In fact in some human tribes the females have cucked the males so much that free love and sex is unbridled, despite the males instinct to want to control the women and make sure he is the breeder. Females HATE intelligent males because they cannot manipulate them.