Mule v. The Lab Experiment
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Excerpts from Classified Report on Project Tarzan
3/21/86 After repeated failures in artificially creating human-gorilla hybrids (hurillas), we finally were able to bring Specimen 119 to term at our Cheyenne Mountain Bioresearch Facility. The asset was delivered from the gorilla surrogate host by c-section because of the increased size of the cranium of the hybrid. The gorilla surrogate was survived and was returned to Cheyenne Mountain Zoo incurring the Project no unexpected costs.
3/21/89 Specimen 119 nicknamed "Kerchak" turned three years old today. In terms of physical size and stature is more at the level of a typical 6 year old child, although we rank his mental acuity of of a typical 4 year old. Two additional hybrids: 'Terk' (Specimen 192) and 'Bolgani' (Specimen 212) have been born. this time to human female hosts, and their details can be found in separate sub-sections of this report.
3/21/01 Kerchak (specimen 119) has reached full adult size. He stands 1.83 m ( 6') and weighs 190 kg (435 lbs.) Kerchak has the intellectual capacity of a highly educable human with downs syndrome. He is very aggressive and volatile at times, but usually placid. His dietary requirements are closer to human than gorilla, but we keep him on a largely vegetarian diet except when we want him to exhibit aggression, such as during combat training which we commenced in January.
3/21/11 Kerchak (119) continues to live up to performance goals, although Terk (192) and Bolgani (212) fall short of expectations set by Kerchak, thus we have ruled them out for long-term viability and scheduled them as research subjects only. We have created 150 viable Kerchak clone embryos (Designated Specimens 119.2 - 119.151) in cryogenic storage for use in creating the special hybrid commando unit designated with codename 'Hurrillasolz 1'. Work is beginning in near future for the development of three more such companies. We recommend commencement special training for human officers and non-coms to develop skills necessarily to command and direct such assets.
3/21/16: It has been decided by Joint Operations Command that Kerchak (119), Terk (192) and Bolgani (212) must be made ready for a special field exercise in Pike National Forest in July utilizing assets Seal Teams 6, Delta Force, and the 75th rangers designated Operation Greystoke. While we have done some highly controlled excursions into Cheyenne State Park this will be the greatest test of the Hybrid Hurrillasols in combat exercises to date. We are highly confident that all goals outlined by JOC for this exercise will be met or exceeded which means that we can begin with gestation of the 150 reserve Hurrillasols in October.
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//Present day// The Mule was camping deep in the woods of Pike National Forest in Colorado on a beautiful weekend in July when he saw on his news feed something about three research animals escaping from a remote rural facility outside Taryall, Colorado... that was just a few miles from where he was camped. Apparently they were some kind of ape, so Mule figured it must be some chimps as they are closest genetically to humans which usually singles them out for such 'special treatment'. Mule felt a tinge of sympathy for the little guys, who knows what horrors they were subjected to in a Military Research facility. "Good on you li'l guys, you run, run like hell! "PETA is going to have a field day with this one!" he thought chewing on some beef jerky. Then he got a text from the Park Rangers that the Park was closing due to the dangerous 'highly aggressive' escaped animals and ordering everyone to evacuate immediately. "Fuck that", Mule thought. "It's just fucking chimps."
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| Jane Goodall notes: What Mule doesn't know about Chimps, can fill an encyclopedia! |
Actually, Mule thought, a good fighter such as himself could destroy a chimp with just his bare hands. Chimps would be very predictable, it would just be a matter of you not getting caught by their teeth and four limbs each with grabbing opposable digits. Plus he would want want to make sure just to take on one, and not get ambushed by the trio, one chimp was a sufficient challenge.
A chimp can outrun you, so flight was not an option, but Mule never ran from a fight in his life! Besides, Mule figured it probably is not that fast in close quarter maneuvers. The way he reckoned, you could circle, it lunges for you, side step and box it until it is brain dead. If it catches you, yea you're fucked, as they are several times stronger than a human...but they are short, scurry around, and Mule was sure they just don't have the movement abilities of humans.. It lunges, bites at your hand, you pull it away and punch with the other hand while the chimp commits. A trained fighter would be aware of the movement patterns of the chimp while the chimp will have nothing but blind rage.
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| Well....actually, Mule... |
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| Shut up Bitch, I'm expounding here! |
For every charge the chimp makes, the fighter predicts and evades and punches or kicks. He wears the chimp down and then can finish him after 5 long rounds cause the chimp is probably gassed as well. Rear Naked Choke round 5, chimp loses. A win by gogoplata, round 5. Yea, they are strong, but they are not mobile... Circle and stick until the chimp is mashed potatoes... Simple, then RNC until he taps chimp charging at you, arms thrashing, all "WTF...ROAR!"- you keep your cool and let it get closer - as soon as it gets with in foot's reach, you kick it as hard as you possibly can right in the fucking face, then just grab its arm, swing it around and launch it into a wall like a discus, then just pull guard and go for a triangle choke--thinks the Mule as he plans out his chimp fight strategy in his head.
His game plan all worked out, Mule decides to go chimp hunting. No guns, that would take the fun out of it. This was going to be mano a chimp; jungle style. Mule stripped down to camo pants like Schwarzenegger in Commando and then strapped his trusty Benchmade hunting knife on, just in case he needed it.
The key was not to battle the chimp around trees where it would have an innate advantage.
With his tracking skills and a lot of good luck, the Mule was soon looking at something from a far distance through his binoculars. He wasn't sure what. It sure didn't look like a chimp...and there was only one of them.. Still that ONE was big...really big. The creature was at least six feet tall when standing on its hind legs...it looked like a mix between a really ugly man and a gorilla. That sucker HAD to weigh over 400 lbs. Mule looked down at his knife.
"I think I am going to need a BIGGER knife." Still Mule had the brains to beat that brawn....he was a DOOK graduate after all.
Through the binoculars, Mule observed THE CREATURE disappearing into a cave entrance. Mule decided he wanted to get a closer look and headed down.
Mule reached the entrance to the cave, and being without fear went in. He barely stepped inside when he came face to face with the Man-Ape, who was clearly hostile.
There was a large ball python curled on the cave floor. It was probably somebody's escaped pet as pythons were not native to Colorado, weird right? But THAT didn't phase the Mule, the thing that had the his mind full of fuk was that the Ape had slipped on what appeared to be some kind of hand made loin cloth. What kind of Ape wears a loin cloth? This was really getting to be some kind of Tarzan shit.
The Mule and the Man-Ape locked eyes and circled.
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| Mule comes face-to-face with the Man-Ape hybrid |
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| Come at me,brah... |
To the Mule's amazement, the Creature made a come at me,brah wave of fingers-toward-palm gesture to the Mule. What da phuq....
Suddenly, the monster charged; and the two masses of muscle collided with a grunt and a thud. The pair of behemoths strained against each other, each beast struggling to force the other to the cave floor. The Mule's arms bulged as he pushed and pulled, slowly working the Man-Ape towards his knees. Suddenly, a meaty ape-fist broke his concentration, donkey-konging down on his head like a sledgehammer. Then while Mule was counting the pretty stars, the Monster did what Gorillas are not supposed to do...HE PUNCHED, bringing an ungodly haymaker across the cheek of Mule spraying beads of sweat into the air and sending a ring of tweety birds to join the circling stars.
"OK, thought the Mule," I don't know what going on here, but I'm glad I brought a knife to this fist fight..." as he drew his hunting knife.
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| Mule drew his hunting knife |
The Man-Ape growled and charged again, this time targeting the Mule's arm. Almost like the ape was trained in hand-to-hand combat, the beast immobilized the Mule's knife arm. With Mule's knife arm trapped, the Beast drove his ham sized ape fist into the Mule's liver. If the Mule hadn't been tied up, the pain from the liver shot would have dropped him to his knees. As it was, the Hurilla was reward with a huge bellow of pain from his human adversary.
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| The beast immobilized the Mule's knife arm |
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| the beast punches the Mule in the liver |
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| The Mule and the Man-Ape engaged in Hand-to-hand combat |
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| The Man-Ape gains control and almost rips the Mule's arm out its socket |
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| The Mule is disarmed by the Man-Ape and loses his knife |
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| The Mule tries to shake off the pain in his arm and shoulder. |
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| The Man-Ape is strong as fuck...and got some mad fighting skills.... |
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| The Mule shakes off the pain, and is ready to go again.... |
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| The Man-Ape looks on, ready to go again |
The Mule tried to work out the damage to his injured right arm as the Man-Ape looked on.
Round 1 had ended in a draw.
It looked like the beast was hesitant to charge again, maybe he was afraid of the Mule? No, wait, it's the snake, he was trying to avoid the Snake ... soooo... the big bad monkey is scared of snakes... that could come in handy...." thought the Mule. The Mule struck while the Man-Ape was distracted by the snake.
"Round Two, you Sy-Fy channel muthafuckah, ROUND TWO!"
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| Mule goes for a football-style tackle on the 400 lbs Man-Ape |
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| The beast withstands the tackle and remains standing.... |
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| The Mule and the Man-Ape grapple.... |
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| The Man-Ape locks the Mule with an under hook..... |
The two colossal engines of sinew collided like locomotives. To the Mule's astonishment, the 400 lbs Beast didn't go down!
Instead, the beast gripped the Mule with an under hook, Mule felt his feet leave the ground as the Man-Ape maneuvered Mule into a classic tombstone pile driver. The monster held Mule upside down while the blood rushed to his head with Mule's face full of Gorilla dick and balls. God, the smell was awful! "How the fuck does a fuckin' ANIMAL know how to do WWE??!!!" thought Mule as his head slammed down on the rocky cave floor, and all faded to black.
Round 2 went to the Man-Ape by a "lights-out" pile driver KO
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| Using the under hook, the Man-Ape hoists the Mule into a pile driver |
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| Mule gets a face full of Man-Ape sweaty cock and balls |
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| The blood rushes to the head of the trapped Mule... |
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| The Man-Ape pile drives the Mule head first into the rocky cave floor... |
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| Its "lights-out" for the Mule... |
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| The Mule is out cold |
When Mule came to again, he was deeper in the cave complex, in a shadowy mirk lit only by a lantern. It looked like he had been thrown on a pile of dead and dismembered bodies. Apparently the beast must have thought he was dead. Some looked like campers, some park rangers, but others there were a couple that he took for some sort of special forces. "How the FUCK did Donkey-Kong manage to get the drop on Special Forces brahs! This was DEFINITELY a bad idea" thought Mule. This was going to take some strategy on Mule's part, because the only way out of this cave was THROUGH KING KONG. "Round Three Muthafucker, Round Three."
As Mule staggered for him, he once again drew the attention of his simian Bete Noir. This time the gorilla-oid didn't charge but approached with a casual contempt for his opponent. "Underestimate me to your peril, I am going to grind you into a banana Smoothie." snarled the incensed Mule. He charged and found himself impaled on the fist of the Hurilla, The Mule wavered, but held his ground. He responded with his own punch to the Man-Ape's skull, a strike that caused the hybrid to stumble backwards. The Mule continued to swing his powerful fists, striking the man-ape in the face and chest. His simian opponent fought back as well, throwing punches that made the Mule's head swim. If this kept up, The Mule realized, he could end up knocked the fuck out again because of a lucky punch.
The Mule changed strategy and instead of trading punches, he leaped forward into the Man-Ape's guard, tangling their muscular arms together. He strained, grimacing, and pushed. The grunting Man-Ape' s stance weakened and he began to lean, despite his efforts to remain in control. He fought to push back, but the Mule was too strong. With a grunt, the man-ape drove his knee upwards between the Mule's wide spread legs, smashing his jumbo egg-sized testicles.
The Mule had not expected a intelligent counter like this from what he still assumed was a dumb beast, despite mounting evidence to the contrary, and was caught totally off guard. The Mule roared in agony as paralyzing pain shot up from his crotch, but he maintained his hold.
Suddenly, the Mule threw himself at his half human opponent in a blind fury. A loud thud shook the cave as The Mule's shoulder struck the hybrid's chest and the two fell to the ground. The Mule rapidly mounted his opponent, straddling the Man-Ape with his tree-trunk-like legs and pinning it face down to the ground. The Mule unleashed a barrage of punches, pounding strike after strike into the back of theMan-Ape's head. "I'm gonna fuckin' kill you, monkey!" The Mule screamed, spraying globs of hot slobber onto his prey. The Man-Ape's vision blurred as its thick skull was slowly crushed by the brutal assault.
The Mule locked an arm bar on the pinned Man-Ape. Looking around, the Mule saw that the snake had followed them deeper into the cave. Good, thought the Mule, I got a use for you, little buddy.... as the Mule used his arm bar to drag the struggling beast closer to the snake.
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| The Mule has the Man-Ape pinned with an arm bar... |
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| The Man-Ape is terrified of the approaching snake... |
As the snake drew closer the Man-Ape bucked its powerful body harder and harder in a futile attempt to buck off its muscular human attacker. Then the hybrid began to make a noise best described as a squeal in apparent fear of the snake. Good job, little fella, thought the Mule, come closer, I will hold him for ya, he's all yours.....
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| The Mule holds the Man-Ape down while the snake attacks... |
The Mule's new tag team partner, the Snake, jumped in with blinding speed. It wrapped itself around the gorilla man's thick neck. Not one to double team an opponent, Mule tagged in the snake and let him take a round with the beast.
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| The Snake attacks..... |
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| The Snake and the Man-Ape fight... |
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| The Mule watches as the Man-Ape fights with the snake .... |
Mule's new tag team partner the Snake was winning his round! As Mule cheered his new partner on, he realized that somewhere down the line in the match the Man-Ape had lost his loin cloth. Not wanting to be accused of taking an unfair advantage, Mule quickly stripped off his camo pants, his only garment. Actually Mule preferred wrestling naked anyway. Mules stretched and flexed to limber up. Mule was anxious to get back into the Match. He was ready for the next round.
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| Mule strips off his Camo pants... |
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| Now both the Mule and the Man-Ape are naked beasts... |
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| Mule is ready to get back into the fight... |
Round 3 went to the snake and the Mule by KO! The snake had choked the Man-Ape out cold....
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| The snake has choked the Man-Ape out cold... |
The big beast didn't stay out long, as he began to groan and crawled to his knees. The Mule rubbed his battered balls, which still ached and throbbed from the Man-Ape's crude tactics. The pain only made him stronger and more brutal. The Man Beast staggered to his feet.
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| Man-Ape awake and on his feet... |
As he did, the Mule wrapped his hands around a nearby broken tree branch laying on the cave floor and brandished it like a club. As the Man-Ape stood, the Mule took his swing. The branch snapped in half when it struck the man-ape's thick back, sending splinters of wood in every direction. The musculature of the man-ape's back felt as solid as a barn door, but he faltered and dropped to his stomach. The half gorilla moaned, cringing momentarily as pain shot through its body, but then fell limp, rasping and wheezing as sweat pooled in the valleys between its muscles.
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| The Mule arms himself with a broken tree branch |
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| The Mule took his swing |
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| The branch snapped in half when it struck the man-ape's thick back |
The Mule grinned, still massaging the pain from his damaged nutsack, and tossed the broken wood over his shoulder. "What, ya done already?" The Mule taunted. "Can't 'take a real man like me, ape?" The Mule flexed his biceps arrogantly, kissing each one in turn. As he eyed his physique, and he felt his cock begin to swell. His primate opponent coughed and stirred, but did not rise. The Mule made the mistake of turning his back on his anthropoid opponent.
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| Mule made the mistake of turning his back on his opponent |
The Mule realized his mistake when suddenly bulging hairy arms wrapped around his waist, trapping his own arms at his sides. The Man-Ape bellowed, lifting the Mule off the ground. There was a moment of stillness before he swung the Mule back down, slamming his head and shoulders against the hard, rocky earth. The Mule exhaled forcefully as the air rushed from his lungs. Before he could recover, the Hurilla took a big gulp of air and lifted the 260-pound Mule once again, still trapped, and slammed him down again. The hybrid repeated this move three more times before releasing its hold and surveying the damage. The man-ape smiled when he saw that the freakish mountain of human muscle was no longer conscious. The beast had done the unthinkable, he had knocked the mighty Mule out cold TWICE!
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| The Mule is out cold! |
Round 4 had gone to the Man-Ape by KO!
The victorious beast walked around the naked Mule, nodding in approval. It had proved its physical superiority by knocking the strong human out twice. It knelt to feel the Mule's body. It squeezed The Mule's hairless pecs and biceps and his beefy ass, appreciating the rock-solid feel of the muscles, even when limp. "Big ." the Hurilla grunted.
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| The Man-Ape examines his prey |
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| "Big ..." the Hurilla grunted appreciatively |
The man-ape stood bare-assed in the cave with his own cock flopping between his legs. He snarled and took its dick in hand and stroked himself until his short, stubby gorilla cock stood erect. Even fully erect it seemed like a Vienna sausage compared to the huge savory bratwurst that the Mule sported between his legs. The penis-envious hurilla intended on breeding his vanquished human foe.
Before the Man-Ape could make good on its vile intentions, the Mule began to awaken. His chest spasmed as he coughed, raising his head and opening his bleary eyes. Upon coming to and seeing the Man-Ape's intention, he clumsily rolled and climbed to his feet. He then proceeded to struggle to find his footing as the cave spun around him. He growled like a bear and shook his head a few times to clear it. Finally, the 'three' Hurillas focused into one, and he clearly saw what had happened. The Mule spit out a mouth of blood and then wiped the blood from his lips. The thought that he had been knocked out YET AGAIN, by an damn filthy ape angered him and the thought that the ape had intended to fuck him just pushed Mule over the edge. With a primal scream. Mule flexed at his half human opponent, letting his physique do the talking for him. It seemed to The Mule that it had worked, as the Man-Ape took a step back before focusing his eyes on the Mule's crotch. It was clear that The Mule put his humanoid opponent to shame.
"You're gonna pay for that, monkey !" Growled the Mule as the two naked fighters circled each other.
The man-ape gorilla face contorted into an expression of rage and frustration. He roared and charged at the Mule, its muscles and veins bulging with all the strength he could muster. Using his football player instincts, Mule met his charge with a shoulder to the legs, causing the Man-Ape to tumble over him and land on his back with a painful slap. Taking advantage of his opponent's position, the Mule leaped into the air for a body slam. He hoped to let his sheer bulk crush the life out of his primate opponent, but the Hurilla had recovered just enough to counter with a donkey kick. One foot struck The Mule's stomach, while the other struck his chest, and the Man-Ape sent The Mule tumbling to his side roughly three feet from his intended target. Quickly, the Mule hopped up, and began stalking towards the man-ape who still rested on his naked ass. The hybrid proceeded to climb shakily to a kneeling position before he thought to look up. It was too late. Before the half gorilla could react, The Mule's fist struck its chin with all the strength the Mule had to give. The humanoid stumbled backwards and collapsed on the ground.
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| The Mule knocks out the Man-Ape |
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| The Mule raises his arms in victory |
The Mule's prey lay sprawled in the cave floor like a slab of meat. Its thick body was limp, save for the vascular appendage between his legs. The Mule approached the hybrid and bent down beside him. The Mule punched the Hurilla's stomach, but found it offered no resistance. He slapped the warrior's dick back and forth, then slapped his nuts, but again, the Man-Ape lay still. Mule smirked once more at the contrast between their penile proportions, Mule was Priapan, while the simian was puerile. The Hurrilla looked like it had ordered his dick off the dollar menu, while Mule was in contrast, clearly SUPERSIZED. The only indication the boy-dicked man-ape was even alive was his heavy, labored breathing. The Mule smiled and flexed for himself, standing over his fallen opponent. He had knocked out the hybrid.
Round 5 to the Mule by KO!
The Mule placed one meaty paw around the Man-Ape's neck, and one over his junk. With a snort, he lifted the loser over his head like a trophy. The hurilla's arms and legs dangled in the air, limp and useless as blood dribbled from the his mouth. The Mule lowered the Man-Ape to his shoulders, then extended his arms once again, lifting the 400+ lbs muscle beast as a piece of exercise equipment for ten lifts. The Mule lifted his trophy one last time before heaving him through the air, slamming him against a cave wall and sending him to the hard rocky cave floor in a crumpled heap. "Stupid Monkey, you thought you was strong, but I'm stronger!" The Mule grabbed his victim and forced him into a sitting position, slumped against the cave wall. The simian snorted and twitched in response. "So you thought you was gonna fuck Me!?! Me!!!...with that tiny thing you call a dick??! I have fucked chicks with bigger clits than what you got between the legs, monkey dick...." the Mule yelled. Then the Mule snagged the Man-Ape's gorilloid skull with one hand and his own cock with the other before shoving his massive manhood into his opponent's mouth like it was an over size banana. "Bottom's up." He said, grinning sadistically. He pushed farther and farther in until the Hurilla's forehead rested against his shredded abs.
The helpless Man-Ape gagged and gurgled as the winner's huge human cock swelled inside his mouth and throat. He struggled half-consciously as The Mule began to thrust, pounding the humanoid's bald head against the hard cave wall with repeated thumps. The Mule flexed and moaned as the pleasurable sensations sent tingles up and down his spine. The Mule bit his lip, eyes closed. He hadn't had such a powerful opponent in weeks, and the arousal he got from defeating such a fighter drove him wild. He was drunk with lust and with his own power. It was a feeling he never got any other way.
The hybrid stared up at the wall of muscle destroying his pride. He admired the body and pure ferocity of the human, but he cared more about escaping from the fuck-hold. He twisted and squirmed, however, he began to realize that there was nothing he could do. He had been defeated. There was no escape. The Mule's massive meat blocked the Hurilla's throat more and more with each thrust. The Man-Ape couldn't breathe. The humanoid's body spasmed and his muscles locked. He sucked hard on The Mule's cock reflexively, and squeezed the Mule's muscular ass. As his vision blurred, the Man-Ape fell limp from lack of oxygen, and soon lost consciousness.
The Mule pulled out as he climaxed, spraying his hot juices onto the half-gorilla's face. "Woooo!" The Mule yelled with satisfaction.
The cave echoed with The Mule's laughter. "Yeah!" He roared. "Too much man for ya!" "Thanks for the fun, Bonzo." Mule then let out a loud Tarzan yell, he was so caught up in his triumph that he didn't notice the squad of SEALS sneak up behind him, until he heard the shot of the elephant tranquilizer gun and the sting of the dart, at the same time a net was dropped over his head.
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| The Mule is shot from behind with a tranquilizer gun |
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| A net is dropped on the Mule as the tranquilizer dart takes effect |
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Fuuuuuuukkkkkkk.... Mule groaned as he slowly woke up. WTF happened and where was he....It took him a few seconds to gather his senses. A hazy film covered his eyes making everything blurry. He had a bad case of cotton mouth. His tongue wanted to stick to the roof of his mouth. His stomach ached. It was tied in knots. He wanted to puke.
“Oh Jeez!” he bellowed. “I don’t recall drinking alcohol last night,” he muttered. “What a hangover I’ve got.” He rubbed his eyes. His right one stung. It felt tender. As his vision cleared he realized he was laying on the ground naked. It looked like he was in some kind of cave and there was a big snake in there with him.
He rolled over. “OW!” he yelled feeling a sharp pain shoot throughout his body. His ribs ached intensely. Mule stretched. “OUCH!” he howled. His whole body was stiff and sore. His ribs ached in agony. “What the fuck!” he groaned. Every move produced excruciating pain as if he’d been in a barroom brawl. He finally managed to sit up. “OW!” He stood up. His legs ached. He staggered backwards. He put his hands on his hips. He arched his back to get rid of some of the kinks and when he did he stumbled backwards. “What the actual fuck?” he wondered. He shook his head. He stumbled forward like a drunk. With every uneasy step he took his chest and ribs hurt. "OW!” he cried as he clutched his sides almost doubling over in pain. He walked around the cave on wobbly legs, bouncing off the walls. Each step hurt.
He had a black eye ... a cut lip ... a cut on his forehead ... his body was covered in bruises ... especially his rib cage ... great blotches of black and blue bruises covered him. “What the fuck? Did I get into a fight last night? Did I go out to a bar? What the fuck happened to me?”
He tried to force himself to think back to the previous evening. What had transpired. He looked terrible as if he’d been beaten to an inch of his life by a gang of burly outlaw bikers. But he couldn't remember a thing. Last he could recall was setting up his camp site.
"Too bad you can't tell me what happened little fella" Mule said to the snake. It was a really cool snake, and friendly. It obviously was used to being around people and liked them. Mule decided to take the snake home as a pet. "I will name him Al...."
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Report conclusions:
8/21/16 Please refer to the After Action Report for Operation Greystoke. It is the opinion of the Director and the JOC that given our experience with specimens 119, 192 and 212 and the costly effort required in damage control and informational containment following their marauding rampage, that the entire Project Tarzan be terminated and all specimens be disposed of, and records of all activities related to the Project archived in the Biohazard Containment Facility at area 51. Memories of surviving military and civilian witnesses have been neutralized using the Orion Protocols.
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This story is dedicated to
Koko the Gorilla,
Koko the Gorilla,
b. July 4, 1971
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