Mule's Blog: Vignette: New Visitors to the Religious Retreat in Minnesota!

continued from The Boys in Trouble

Msgr. Luigi Capozzi

Msgr. Luigi Capozzi was on the fast track to becoming a Bishop when his pronounced cocaine and sexual addictions caused the shit to really hit the fan. Father Luigi, assistant to Cardinal Francesco Coccopalmerio of the Pontifical Council for Legislative Texts, was known for his popularity among the young, handsome and buff Swiss guards and some of the hunkier priests that could be found around the Vatican. Ordained in 1992, Father Luigi had been a particular favorite of the last pope, Benedict XVI, being named his personal chaplain in 2007.

The police were tipped off as to the ongoing illicit activities in the apartment by neighbors, who complained about different people coming and going from the entrance of the apartment in the evening hours.

Luigi made a mistake in using that particular apartment for his orgiastic liaisons, first of all it’s typically only reserved for “prefects, presidents or secretaries of the Roman Curia,” now a blacklight nightmare of stains, it will likely never be used by the ranking clergy again. Secondly, the entrance of the building opens out onto the square of the Holy Office, located on Italian territory outside of the control of the Swiss Guard and Vatican police. This made covering up the incident by the Church, a tricky operation, and that is where Minnesota came into play. The Vatican heard of its miraculous cure for sex addition, a rigorous therapy devised by it's dean, Monsignor McCarty. (See Aversion Therapy) Pope Francis being of a scientific mind, was eager to partake of the such groundbreaking therapeutic methods, on the down-low of course. Luigi was removed by authorities and hospitalized at the Roman Pius XI clinic so that he could detox, before a deal with the Italian government allowed him to be spirited off to Minnesota without facing charges.

So this is how Father Luigi ended up at the very worst sexual addiction center in all of Christendom. Sure with Gary, Brendan, Jeremiah, Brian and Justin all gone now, Dean McCarthy had every expectation of success. Father Luigi seemed penitent and had much to lose, and nothing to gain by resisting the therapy. This might of been true, but the Vatican also sent to the retreat, two of the tempting, hunky, muscular priests: Father Giuseppe and Father Alessandro, who had been involved in the cocaine-fueled orgies, and who had been particular favorites of Father Luigi.

Father Alessandro

Father Giuseppe

The Vatican didn't inform the Dean the exact nature of the offenses of these individuals, merely that in the wake of the public embarrassment, they were doing a thorough house cleaning. The Dean took an instant shine to the tall, dark, and handsome young priests, Fathers Giuseppe and Alessandro. The two muscle priests emanated a virile Italic charisma and animal magnetism. A tempting aroma of manly pheromone enriched musk blended with Armani cologne produced a fog of enchantment in their wake. Their dreamy bedroom eyes were hypnotic, their seductive masculine beauty triggered febrile lust in all that beheld them. They were suave, polite, charmingly flirtatious and personable, and the Dean crushed hard on these two sexy priests, hell everybody at the facility popped boners whenever the pair were around. They had chiseled cover-model looks, and had even appeared in Vatican fund-raising calendars.

Monsignor Capozzi in contrast, had an irritating hauteur that rubbed the Dean the wrong way. Luigi quickly realized this, and stepped back into the background, allowing the two younger muscle priests to take control of the situation, while he made the pretense of rehabilitation making a show of fasting, prayer and even self-flagellation.

Things at first went well in the view of the Dean, after the muscular clerics Alessandro and Giuseppe underwent Aversion Therapy, they became the Dean's partner in administering it to others at the institute. These priests insinuated and manipulated the Monsignor to the point that the Dean was like putty in their hands. The poor prelate was no match for these conniving continentals. They persuaded the Dean to take a hands-off approach to the Aversion procedure, and assumed total control over the process and used it to determine the toughness levels of the Americans at the facility, while the Dean masturbated in his office to forbidden fantasies of these two Italian heartthrobs.

The two gorgeous Italians also challenged many of residents to naked wrestling matches with the Italians, and each other to ostensibly to test their resolve to fight their lust, but in fact to assess their combat skills.

None of the candidates met with their high expectations, but the two hunky priests through the seductive interrogation of the American problem priests, and the Dean himself, learned of some of the other priests who have recently left, who seem to be more of the caliber of priest they were seeking. The accounts of one in particular, Father Gary, captured their attention. Father Giuseppe finds one of Gary's brochures tacked to a event board in the REC ROOM. It was very much like the one Gary was handing out in MULE AND THE BEACH EVANGELIST, and the scheming Giuseppe pockets it for future reference.

Blog Flashback!

Fathers Giuseppe and Alessandro had their own agenda for coming to Minnesota, but that is a tale for ANOTHER TIME...

The Dean was so gobsmacked by the charms of the two muscle priests, that he thought that his plans were going swimmingly, and that he was soon going to get a promotion out of this hellhole of a facility. The duped prelate was unaware of that the two Italian priests had fucked every priest in the facility in the pursuit of their own agendas.

It was only when things went terribly wrong at a party celebrating the end of the harrowing parts of the Aversion Therapy, and the beginning of a more pleasant phase of the treatment, that the Dean realize just how awry things had gone...

The party was going well, but Monsignor Capozzi, tired of Fathers Giuseppe and Alessandro getting all the attention as usual, while he was being completely ignored as usual, decided to stir up trouble and slip ecstasy into the punch.

The combination of horny, over-sexed priests and ecstasy punch was a recipe for disaster, and by disaster, I of course mean orgy! Ironic, for it was a drug-fueled orgy that got these Italian padres sent to Minnesota for rehabilitation in the first place.

First music was switched up, and the priests began to dance, despite the Dean's strident objections. He was ignored, and the dancing became most unclerical, and rather energetic and highly sexual with wiggling, gyrating, and pelvic thrusting that had Dean McCarthy so concerned, he downed more punch and lost complete control of not only the party, but himself.

The dancing turned to kisses and caresses, and then shoes, collars, and clothes began to come off in the wild abandon, until there was a tangle of undulating naked bodies, with mouths suckling on nipples, cocks, fingers and toes, and tongues flickering over every known orifice. There was soon energetic skull and ass humping, every which way but loose.

7 hours later, the drugs wore of, and a bevy of embarrassed priests quickly and haphazardly sorted and grabbed clothing, and fled in a dressing hop to their individual quarters in a mass walk of shame. Not long after, the priests were summoned to the Dean's office for a stern lecture.

We were making such progress, how could you regress,
so far and so fast?

The Dean's well-rehearsed (by this point in his career at this, the worst sex-addiction clinic in the entire world) was quickly interrupted by the chastised priests.

The three Italian priests: Luigi, Giuseppe, and Alessandro explained to Monsignor McCarthy that his hopes or getting out of the facility and ultimately into a bishop's miter, rested on him remaining mute on the incident, and sending a glowing report to the Vatican on the successful rehabilitation of the priests. The Dean, his ass still mightily sore from the out of control orgy, easily acquiesced to this plan, eager to get rid of these troublesome priests forever, and to resurrect his own clerical career.

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UPDATE: At the time of the publication of this story, the Minnesota facility has been closed and is being renovated for re-purposing as a facility for the Opus Dei organization. Monsignor McCarthy has been reassigned to an exciting missionary opportunity in Papua New Guinea and could not be reached for comment!

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DISCLAIMER FROM THE MULESBLOG LEGAL DEPARTMENT:

The Catholic Church emphatically DENIES the Monsignor Capozzi, or any other Vatican-based priests were sent to Minnesota (but they would, wouldn't they) and for purposes of avoiding litigation, we present THEIR version of events:

CHURCH VERSION OF EVENTS