While Mule is busy working on the next story, we'd thought we'd include a Deleted Scenes Post, since you folks seem to like those!
But Perhaps you would like to hear a preview of the exciting next story Mule is working on...
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| How is the new story coming along, Mule? Mule? Mule? Wonder where he went? |
We will check back with Mule later to see how his progress is coming along and to get that preview.
Now for what did not make the final cut of LUMBERJACK!
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| Canadians know the struggle! |
We had a more detailed scene of Pierre's initial arrest by the RCMP that got pared down severely by Edit-Brah's red pencil.
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| You know how seriously we take the Federal Politeness Statutes in Trudeau's Canada, Pierre! |
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| I thought all those Jordan Peterson claims about an overly SJW Canada had been debunked! |
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| You know this a Mulesbog story where stereotypes always trump reality! |
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| Heh heh heh you said TRUMP, Constable Wilson that's illegal in Canada now, according to Canadian Human Rights Tribunal! SHADDUP MacFadden! Sorry Wilson! No, I am sorry, MacFadden! No I am MORE SORRY WILSON! I am sorry BOTH of you are Canadian! inserted Pierre SHADDUP PIERRE! both constables yelled. |
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| Now come along quietly, before we write you up on more charges!!! |
There was several pages of Pierre the Lumberjack working on the job, that for some reason Edit-Brah thought we should cut. It was to Lumberjacking what Moby Dick was to whales, everything you didn't want to know...but SHIII-IT all that Wikipedia research gone to waste!
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| I can't wait to get off work and hit the Staggering Moose! |
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| I hope there are just locals there tonight, and none of those damn tourists! |
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| The only thing I hate worse than tourists are AMERICAN tourists! |
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| Although tourists do make good punching bags, especially Yank tourists! |
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| I haven't a good fight in about two weeks! |
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| That is my longest dry spell in a long while! |
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| I will have to rectify that PRONTO! |
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| The challenge is finding a tourist worthy of me beating up! |
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| I can leave all the birkenstock wearing tree huggers for the other Lumberjacks! |
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| I need a challenge, one that won't fold in seconds! |
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| Do they even make tourists anymore who can stand up to me for more than a few seconds? |
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| Well, not Yank tourists! |
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| The Yank tourists are all fat and soft! |
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| But there is always hope! |
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| I need a good fight, or I will go nuts! |
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| and when I go nuts, that is rough on Tess as I tend to slap her around! |
Now there was an additional fight scene where Pierre was pretty much trashing my ass, but Edit-Brah thought it needed to get cut because the story was running a bit long, and we have been getting so many TOO MANY WORDS complaints. So if you are mad about this, sent all hate mail to EDIT BRAH.
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| Sorry Edit Brah, didn't see that bus coming... |
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| This means WAR, Yank!!!! |
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| With you and what army Maple Leaf?!!!! |
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| An army of one, Cheeseburger! |
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| Get ready to surrender, Moose-breath! |
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| Aarrrgh! Ready to surrender yet? Hockey Stick, Your groin reeks! |
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| You can tap out any time, Yank! But longer you hold out, better I will enjoy it! |
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| You are putting up more of a fight than I expected MAGA man! |
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| But as a Lumberjack, I need to stamp out that fire in your belly! |
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| Smokey the Moose says: Only YOU can prevent Forest Fires That's Smokey the Bear, Maple Leaf!-I interjected The CFA got tired of paying the US forest service for the license to use the bear!-replied Pierre |
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| Plus have you ever fought a Moose, Mule? I have, tough mothers! |
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| You fought BULLWINKLE? I cried incredulously Don't you dare mock the MOOSE in Canada with your silly cartoons, Yank! Moose are serious business up here! -Pierre snarled! |
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| You will pay for beating up Bullwinkle, Froggie! |
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| I will pay you in PAIN, when I stomp you into smithereens Doodle!!! |
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| Aren't you Frenchie Canadians known for SURRENDERING CANADA??! |
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| HARUMPH! I cried as I lifted Pierre up from a attemped pin! |
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| Time to end this piggy back ride and give you a dunk in the drink, Pierre! |
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| Bastard, get ready to feel the power of Canadian Jiujitsu, the famed CANJITSU! |
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| Can't be any worse than Bear-fu! |
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| Historical fun fact: Bear-fu was introduced to British Columbia by Chinese Immigrants in the 1860s |
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| How about I just snap your Yank neck!! |
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| You can try Frenchie, but I wouldn't bet on it! |
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| Sure, Canada is a socialist menace to the American Way of Life, but gotta love the scenery! |
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| I escape the clutches of Pierre, who tries to snag YOUR HERO again with some Canjitsu! |
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| Is that move supposed to do something, is this your attempt at a Tomoe Nage because it isn't working... |
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| Perhaps you should give up on this Canuck-fu... |
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| ...and learn some good Ol' Brazilian Jiu-Jitsui like I use! |
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| Canada is a cool country for a frozen wasteland...I said as I showed him some of my BJJ prowess! |
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| Look me up when you come to America to get that nose fixed. Unless your brave enough to trust your commie healthcare. |
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| Still don't understand why the fuck you put your milk in bags though...and just LOL at dumping gravy on fries and cheese curds. Ketchup or gtfo |
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| WHACK!-this is 'cause you pronounce the letter Z as Zed WHOMP!-this one is cause you pronounce about as "a boot" BAM!-and this is cause you say Eh at the end of your sentences, Eh? |
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| You can just tell everybody you got beat up by a gang of Somali Immigrants |
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| Time for some more abuse and Pain: Nice country you got here except for : THUD! -getting arrested for being a 'straight alpha white male' under the TOXIC MASCULINITY STATUTES WHACK! -hard core libtards everyyyyywhere, like the entire country is friggin' BOULDER! CRACK!-people who barely speak English in Toronto and Vancouver, I said relenting some in my assault. Pierre interjected: Like ANY of you Yanks speak English! Forcing me to thrash & abuse him some more! THUMP!-cold as fuck almost whole year and this comes from someone who lives in Colorado! BAP! Cucks everywhere & all of your major cities are now owned by shady Chinese sweatshop magnates |
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| and don't even get me started on that soy boy Jihad Justin... your leader isn't even a "power" bottom |
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| You know the only reason Canada hasn’t been invaded and conquered by Ruskies is you hit the geographic lottery being next to the USA So how about some gratitude? And some grovelling! |
In retrospect, perhaps I went a tad too far with my trash-talking and the full wrath of Canadian patriotic fury was roused in Pierre, and he soon had me on the ground again THUMPING the living shit out of me, who knew Canadians could be so NATIONALISTIC, that is not what you hear on INFOWARS.
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| THUMP! -This is for not speaking or spelling English properly! BAM!- This is for having as your President, a big orange man- baby who sucks Putin cock and gets peed on by Russian ho's! WHOMP! -This is for hiring Canadians to play your hockey 'cuz you Yanks can't and then stealing OUR DOMINION'S Stanley Cup! BOMP! -This is for using your school kids for skeet shooting practice! THWACK! -This is for all the Yanks crossing the border for better weed and cheaper pharmaceuticals! BAP! -This is for all you Yanks being fat, impotent and transgendered CALL ME CAITLYNs |
There is just so much smears against our national honor (not honour, you Canadian fucks!) that a red-blooded American like your Mule can take, without being roused from semi-consciousness into SUPERHERO Mule mode!
The tide turned again!
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| I rallied! |
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| I was back to showing that French Canadian fuck, my BJJ PROWESS! |
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| How you liking them apples now, you glorified tree cutter. Heck even our transgendered CAITLYNs can beat up you cuck Canadian Males. Then I began singing the only Canadian Lumberjack song I knew: |
In retrospect, perhaps that wasn't the wisest course of action, as that provocation caused the tide of battle to turn once more...
Next on the cutting room floor, there was a sweet if slightly stalky scene of Tess checking in on her psychologically castrated Canadian beau the next day...Edit Brah cut it and said no more eating Tofu with Mushroom Girl, that shit is full of estrogen and gives you these kind of stupid story ideas! He had a point, so I ate some red meat and felt better!
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| Bad enought to lose a fight, but to lose to a Yank? |
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| I will never be able to live this down! |
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| Is that the treacherous sloot Tess come to gloat? Bitch!!!!! |
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| I sure hope Pierre is o.k., I wonder if he would feel better if I gave him a blow job? |
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| I wish she would just go!!!! |
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| Is he crying? Lumberjack's don't cry! Forget about the blow job, I don't give BJs to girly-man cry-babies! |
We received this formal video response from the Consulate General of Canada in Colorado to our Lumberjack story.
So Mule, about the new Preview, will the new story also be set in Canada? I hear Canada is a HOT TOPIC right now...
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| So I am guessing that is a NO on the next story being about Canada, then... |
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| Now that Mule is back and kicking up a storm, perhaps he will see fit to give us a preview of COMING ATTRACTIONS! |
Indeed I would be glad to, now for my next heroic tale, I would like to tell you about a little adventure I had in central Texas, names and places might have been alterred slightly on advice of the crack Mulesblog Legal Department (in that I will be moving to that state and they might not see kindly to an attorney pulling these shenanigans that I am want to do).
Uh oh, is that flashing lights in my rear view mirror? Damn it is the Po-po...what has your Mule gone and done now? Usually the cops come at the end of one of my stories, but in this tale the 5-0 are arriving early on...
Uh oh, is that flashing lights in my rear view mirror? Damn it is the Po-po...what has your Mule gone and done now? Usually the cops come at the end of one of my stories, but in this tale the 5-0 are arriving early on...
Oh no! It looks like more than a broken tail light, the coppers are frisking me, and it looks like they grow them some rather large Barneys in this two-bit Mayberry Police department I have run into, down in Florence, Texas. This looks like trouble!!
I knew some sloots had to be involved, all the really big trouble I get myself into involve SLOOTS!!!! Did I go and fuck Boss Hogg's daughters or something?
Stay tuned to find out what mess I have gotten myself into now...and how I am going to extricate my large, muscular ass out of it!!!!
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