Mule vs. The Lumberjack

A CANADIAN ADVENTURE: Story by Mule, Edits by Stefan, original art by Steve and also Enrique Nieto Nadal, no animals were harmed during the writing of this story!


Somebody the other day asked me in the sauna at the gym, if I had ever been to the Yukon, and I said,  "Funny you should ask, I went there once on an elk hunting trip and it was a most INTERESTING experience."

Mule, I've been meaning to ask you, have you ever been to the
 Yukon?

Funny you should ask, I went there once on an elk hunting trip
 and it was a most INTERESTING experience

For the benefit of those who were not there with me in the sauna, I will relay the tale I told there.  So grab a towel, relax and let me tell you how things went down up there in the Yukon...

Canada: America's Largest and Most Beautiful National Park

I was minding my own beeswax at the Staggering Moose Tavern, down by the lake, and near a lumberjack camp, when this beefy lumberjack feller brushes by me spilling beer on me.  Now instead of apologizing profusely and excessively, which is my normal experience with Canadians, he gets all irritable and blames ME for getting in his way...when I was  just sitting there drinking my Molsons in peace.   Now remember this all took place when Canada was a friend and ally before Trump alerted us to the CANADIAN MENACE!

"That was a good portion of an excellent La Fin Du Monde you just wasted Yank, you gonna buy me a replacement or you gonna be one of those insufferable Americans and make me teach you some manners?!"

DA FUQ????!!!!!!

I looked  at him adopting my best silverback gorilla mean mug, and told him:  "How bout you just fuk on off you dirty French Canadian moose diddler, you spilled your beer, so buy your own damn replacement!"

He reacted poorly to my retort!

AND IT WAS ON! The bouncers quickly ejected us, but soon the parking lot was full of bystanders watching the fight, and the brawl was beginning to get contagious and turn into a free for all when some RCMP intervened and kept things from getting INTERESTING. But I was TOTALLY winning, and the RCMP intervention saved the Canuck from a more severe whooping!

Maudit!  I was defending Canadian honour, you should be on
MY side!

Now I can hear the clicking sounds of poindexters on their keyboards protesting: But Mule,  you have been watching too many Dudley Do-right cartoons, this is how RCMP  dress these days:

...BUT MULE...!!!!!

We have the Timmy Horton's surrounded! Don't make us get rough! 

We  warned you!!! Put the maple syrup down and
 nobody need get hurt!

Now, now dear readers,  I know Canadians have a MUCH different view of the RCMP than we do over here, but ever hear of artistic license?

Sorry, but you are under arrest for breach of the Federal
politeness statutes, did you think you could get away with
wanton rudeness to a tourist?  We always get our man!

...BUT MULE.....!!!

But Mule, how did he know you were an American?... and how did you know he was a Lumberjack...?

Well obviously he knew I was an American, by my swagger, the slight hint of Louisiana in my accent, and the subtle clues of my wife beater style t-shirt

Now imagine it in xxxl with the flag 
waving with my rippling muscles!

Now in your haste to complain, you didn't wait to let my story unfold,  see this wasn't the end of my story with the lumberjack, so patience dear readers, patience!

Now as it turns out, I was not entirely innocent in this breach of international peace, now the bar incident was all on him, but I may have had a slight, SLIGHT, hand in provoking subsequent events, but I will let my UNBIASED readers who LOVE ME, decide the fault and allocating blame in what later occured...

O.k. so I was also not STRICTLY speaking in the Yukon, I was in British Columbia for some elk hunting and to check out Campbell River Salmon Festival's Logger days.  So you caught me in a teeny weeny embellishment, I know it is hard to believe, but on rare occasion I do embellish my stories a wee bit...

But let's not get too sidetracked, we were talking about my very next encounter with this pugnacious lumberjack! Now he was a mighty big feller...even by Mule standards...did I happen to mention that?  He was like a Canadian Paul Bunyan! 

So the next day,  I was out at the Salmon and Lumber festival, watching various lumberjack games of sport and skill.  One particular Lumberjack seemed to outshine the rest!

Whoa, that's a huge fucking back....

Wait a sec, I've seen that big back before...

Yeah, it's the Lumberjack I had a beef with  yesterday

Yup, it was the same Lumberjack I had beefed with the day before.  Already out and about.  After all, the local festival promoters couldn't disappoint the fans by having the defending Champion sitting in jail during the Lumberjack games!

Last Year's Winner  and this Year's Defending Lumberjack 
Games Champion

The Lumberjack was winning every event easily

The Crowd was cheering the Lumberjack's win after win,
I was the only one booing him

The asshole Lumberjack was winning every event easily. Since I had already developed a strong dislike for this cocksucking Paul Bunyan wanna-bee, I was not feeling the fun of watching him never lose while the crowd cheered him on. Growing tired of all his winning and being the only dude booing him, I wandered away from the main fair, as I am want to do, further down the lakeshore and  closer towards the lumberjack encampment where some unofficial and unsanctioned, and thus more fun activities were going on:

Lumberjack Village 

and this weasly looking hustler  who was a cross between a carnival barker and a 3 card monty dealer, was in front of this shack challenging people to come fight his friend. 

 Now none of the locals were rising to the occasion, and were avoiding eye contact as he was calling everyone cowards and chickens.  I figured his friend must be some sort of local fight champ, so naturally I had to accept the challenge and show them what a MURICAN could do.   The fight promoter then tried to collect bets, but no one would bet on me!  So I laid out a thousand large in cash, just to show these broke-ass Canada-bros what kind of balls us rich USA brahs have.

Then his friend stepped forward from behind the building on all fours, and he was a large hairy feller, a bear of an opponent, and not the kind found in Pride Parades, I am talking about AN ACTUAL FRIGGIN' BEAR!  I never thought Canadians could be that sneaky, this trip was certainly messing with my stereotypes!!!  The huckster grinned and said pointing to the bear, "He doesn't like Americans!"

It's true, I don't!
ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!  

The seven-foot tall giant Bear reared up on its hind legs.

Wikipedia: Its Salmon diet helps brown bears grow larger.
Brown bears have pile driver strength and 4-inch claws. Male
brown bears can tower 9 feet tall with an average weight around
408 kilograms (900 lb).

Having not been in this situation before, I wasn't too sure how to react. So I stood up as straight as I could and roared back as loud as I could, as it seemed like an appropriate response.

ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!

 The Bear stamped the ground, then I swear it grinned, and I know, Wikipedia says nothing about bears being able to grin, but honest it did.

 And then it  charged. With a savage blow he clocked me on the chin and sent me sprawling. I was stunned, I shook my head and started to climb to my feet, and when I did the Bear was upon me, trying to claw away at my handsome face with its sharp claws. I wasn't gonna allow none of that, so I raised my arms, lifting the huge bulk of the Bear off me, and bucking with my hips I sent the Bear head first into the dirt.  The Bear looked shocked.  I guess he wasn't expecting that.  

"Stupid Bear," I thought, as I  got up and dusted myself off. Movement caught my eye and before I knew it, the fucking Bear was behind me, on my back and bending my 20" neck forward in what I guess was the Bear's version off a full nelson. I didn't understand how the bear knew to do this, but my body reacted nonetheless: my powerful 22"  arms rose and hammered down to break the headlock. But they didn't, and my abs tightened as the Bear increased his pressure on my neck  and I felt my vertebrae stretching  beneath my straining traps. I shook my body to try to wiggle free, but the Bear had the full nelson locked on tight, so   that only brought me more pain and  more pressure on my neck. 

The muscles and blood vessels in my thick football player neck were really bulging now. In desparation, I  tried to flip the Bear over my back, and the near half-ton of the Bear's body rose off its feet a few inches. That was all, but that was enough for me to slip free of the Bear's hold.

Turning, I pummeled my anvil sized fists into the Bear's body. Under the fur, the giant's muscles were rock hard muscle, and my barrage of blows had no effect. While I peddled backwards and gasped for breath the Bear stood up. Maybe it was growling but I swear it sounded like it was chuckling.

He...He...He..

  Ho-ho-ho!

I was suddenly recalling on of my football teammates back in college. He was real popular cause his Daddy was a VP of the WWE, and had been a professional wrestler, one of the members of one of the great tag teams of the Attitude Era. 

His pop was able to get us into WWE matches and even back stage to meet all the wrestlers. I remembered him talking about how many generations of his family had been wrestlers, and how his grandfather or maybe his great grandfather used to wrestle a bear. I am not sure why I was thinking about his now, other than something about this Bear's smooth moves made me think it had wrestled before.

But I didn't have time to spend on memory lane, as the Bear sprang again. This time I jumped into the air and landed with my feet against the Bear's chest, driving the giant backward.  The Bear landed  on its furry ass on the ground with an earth-shaking thud. The Bear arose off his ass slowly, and as he stood the giant stretched his shoulders back and bobbed his head back and forth.

I knocked the big bruiser right on his furry ass...

Not only could the Bear box, but it had mighty fancy footwork

I guess I'll have to come up with better than that, I thought.  So I put everything into a solid long and looping haymaker blow aimed for the Bear's chin.  I was shocked that the Bear sucessfully dodged my punch like a prize fighter.  I was even more shocked when the giant grabbed me around my boulder sized shoulders and jerked me backward. My yard wide thickly muscled back bulged against the giant's chest--and the Bear quickly got my arms trapped behind my body with his.

As impossible as it seemed, the Bear  bent me backward, putting pressure on  the small of my back as he bent me like a bow. My thick biceps, hard as iron, peaked and bulged as they strained to come forward, but the Bear outmuscled me and I felt my arm muscles began to spasm with the ordeal. Pain shot up my huge arms into my tormented shoulders. Then the cedar-shaped tree of muscle at the base of my spine began to spasm also.  My arms were outmatched and being pulled almost out of their sockets

But the pain  brought a new surge of adrenaline and keenness to my mind.  Instead of resisting, I let my left arm go limp. This caught the  Bear overbalanced, and with the speed of a cheetah I twisted around with my right arm, and spun the Bear's arm around as well. I was able to yank the Bear off his feet, and kicked him in the head while he was down.  This gave me a moment to stretch out my aching limbs and back and to try to clear my head.

Suddenly the Bear exploded off  of the ground and grabbed me. The Bear locked his arms around my mighty chest from behind. I felt the big Bear's warm hairy pecs on my wide back. I reached back and slammed my fists into the giant's head. I could feel my fists landing hard, but the giant never let go. Instead, he squeezed.  The air blew out of my chest as the Bear's  forearms ground into my pecs. The Bear's hold was like a vise. My iron musculature tightened against the power of the giant's arms but I could still feel the giant was bending, stretching and crushing me like I was Stretch Armstrong. 

Now I know I normally  LOOK  like Stretch Armstrong!

but normally I don't stretch and bend like him...

The bear's hold was like a vise!

All my powerful thick muscles were offering little protection against this huge bear's incredible force. Then the Bear picked me off the ground, allowing my mighty legs to kick uselessly against the Bear's oak tree-trunks legs. The Bear began to nuzzle  my neck, and press  against the marble slabs of my muscled ass.

I began to get the feeling that the Bear wasn't trying to  kill me.  Like, maybe he was just playing with me and not in the malicious sense of a predator playing with his prey.   Well if that was the case, I can play rough too...

I grabbed the Bear's wrists and crushed. The giant Bear met my strength with his strength, and bore down on my stressed rib cage. Using my thumbs, I pressed into Bear's wrists and sent blinding pain into the giant's head.  The Bear relaxed his grip momentarily, allowing me the moment I needed to sink my fingers into the cords of muscle of the Bear's arms and pry them off my body.

In an instant with my own strength regathered I grabbed the mighty Bear in my own Full Nelson. I didn't waste any time. Grinding the giant's thick back against the dense slabs of my pecs, pressing my granite biceps under the giant's arms, and locking my fists behind the giant's neck, I wrapped my giant legs around the bear and squeezed with everything I had left. The giant bear growled, and then groaned as he felt his guts compress.

Slowly Bears's reserves of strength and endurance began to give way, the bear clearly skipped on his cardio!

The Mighty Giant Bear toppled to the ground, with me still holding on tight.  I had my legs locked around the Bear's chest in an unbreakable leg scissors.  The Bear  grunted with each terrifying squeeze of my legs. The Bear wheezed as my muscle forced air out of his lungs and prevented their inflation.  The Bear looked scared!   For the first time, the now desperate Bear began to snap at me, like he was trying to bite me with his powerful jaws.  Without thinking I responded with a move I had seen alligator wrestlers use back in Louisiana, grabbing his jaws and holding them open so he couldn't bite me.  Surprisingly, it seemed to work!

The Bear's breath became labored from the constricting pressure. His limbs grew weaker, his eyes dimmed, and he roared in confusion at the  pain I  was dishing out in irresistible, unrelenting waves.  The Bear was now definitely afraid.  It was barely struggling now, and I was manhandling the half ton bear muscle like a rag doll now.  I finally let my leg scissors go.  I stood up and surveyed my beaten foe.  The invincible beast was barely conscious and laid out like road kill. I heaved the huge body up into the air in a victory pose. As I held the Bear over my head, my massive  biceps bulged and shook from the strain of holding the half ton beast aloft.  My massive thighs swell up and then exploded in size, as I held the Bear up high in the air, it's massive body hung like a rag doll above me.

"Who the fuck are you, Bitch, and what the fuck did you do to Baloo?"  I hear a deep, loud masculine voice with a slight French accent shout, interrupting my victory pose.  The fight hustler had vanished with my cash, apparently it wasn't even his bear!!!

Babe: Oh, you are so big and strong!
Mule: How ya doin' sweet cheeks
LJ: What are zee doing avec mon doux Baloo!!

[The lumberjack had just returned to the camp from the main fair, festooned with ribbons, from winning contest after contest.]

Damn bear-beating Yanks!

Well this is one Canadian bear that is going to beat your ass all
the way across the border!

Then we are going to build a log wall on the BC border with the
 US and make you Yanks pay for it!

I drop the Bear, put my arms down to my sides, and walk up to the dude that had just shouted at me and get in his face, nose to nose, with our muscled pecs colliding.

"Who the FUCK you callin' a bitch, BITCH"! I shout aggressively, sending spittle flying into his face.

  "YOU, BITCH" he shouts back and bumps massive muscle chest to massive muscle chest with me, not giving an inch.    Since I  just at that moment realized that he's dressed like that dude on the paper towels, I giggle a little, which rustled his jimmies even more.

Brawny Paper Towels, proud sponsor of Mule's Blog!

I at this point assume "Baloo" must be the name of the Bear I just beat up, now before the blog gets picketed by PETA, the bear was fine was already up and playing with one of the spectators.

Another Paper Towel Dude and Bear Lover...

It looks like Baloo is this Lumberjack's pet.  My bad... but I ain't apologizing to this big galoot.  How was I supposed to know?  It's not like the Bear was wearing a collar with tags or something.   Still, I can't  help but feel bad.  I know how pissed off I would be at some asshole that mistreated my pupper, Charlie. 

My bad....But how was I supposed to know Baloo the Bear was 
the Lumberjack's pet?  It's not like the Bear was wearing a 
collar with tags

 Now I am getting it all  the facts sorted out, except for who's this hot chick with the huge tits hanging out?   She's someone I need to get to know...

The Lumberjack was huge! A  body that was so huge it stretched his clothing tight. He looked to be about 35 years old and 6'4". He had to weigh about 270 lbs - his body was incredibly thick, but not fat. Every inch of him was rock hard hairy muscle. His arms were like massive boulders pushing the sleeves of his shirt  up to his shoulders. His shoulders were like basketballs, his shirt plastered tight against his massive muscles. His neck, thick and veined. His massive hairy pecs bulged and flexed under the tight shirt. He turned his back for a moment surveying the area and I saw the broadest back I'd ever seen - he must've been 3 feet across! The muscles in his back were clearly visible under the fabric and they bunched as he moved. His waist was thick, in proportion to his gargantuan torso and his legs were like proverbial tree trunks, quads and calves pressed into his tight pants. And the bulge in crotch looked like it was holding back a very big cock. 

The Angry Lumberjack got up in my grill ready to throw
 down

"Well dude, it looks like Baloo is up and playing and  feeling just fine already. He ain't hurt at all!  How about I buy him a jar of honey and we call it even, no harm no foul."    I say trying to defuse the situation.  I know that seems out of character for your Mule, but 1) The Lumberjack is really, really big  and 2) Baloo gave me a pretty good workout already  and 3) the Lumberjack is really, really big.

How about I buy Baloo a jar of honey and we call it even,
 no harm no foul!

"More like no harm, no fowl, you chickenshit! I got a better idea.  How about I stomp a mudhole in your over sized body, muscleboy?  I remember you! Even if you call for the Mounties to save your ass from a beating AGAIN, like the bitch you are, I'm still gonna be kicking your ass 'till they get here..." is his response to my peace making attempt.  Welp, I tried at least.

I got a better idea, Captain America!
 How about I stomp a mudhole in your over muscled body?

Wait, I thought, wasn't it Paul Bunyan's ass that got saved by
 the Mounties?

Paul Bunyan looked even BIGGER than I remember him
from the bar...

I had been drinking a bit then, and feeling 10' tall and bullet
proof myself so....

"Let me shuck this shirt, " he said unbuttoning the top buttons. His hairy pecs flexed and bunched. I could see the striations even through all the hair. He yanked the shirt over his massive arms, struggling to get it all the way over. "Help me here, ma chérie," he ordered his girlfriend who was making googly eyes at your hero! "My damn arms are so fuckin big I can't get my shirt off!" She wiped her Mule-inspired drool from her chin, and went over to tug at the sleeve taking the chance to touch his massive horse-shoe triceps and huge veined biceps. His forearms were thick and covered in dark hair. The shirt popped over his biceps, leaving it in the hands of his chick. He was magnificent - bigger than most bodybuilders I'd ever seen. 

Bets were being laid, and most folk were betting AGAINST Your Mule, which I can ONLY attribute to Canadian patriotic enthusiasm for the local yokel!

" Viens te faire battre, Come and get your beating, boy!"  Lumberjack shouts.

"Je suis Pierre!"  he said proudly pounding his chest with a massive fist.

"Well of course you would be," I thought, but merely muttered with my own gorilla chest thump:  "Mule!"

"More like Jack-ass for hurting mon cher Baloo, right ma chérie?"  He said, and his sloot laughed.

The hot slut caresses the towering Lumberjack's shoulder. He kisses her deeply as she fondles his sizeable cock through his pants;

This is Tess, my main bitch.  In fact, I was gettin' ready to breed my main bitch here..." he says, stroking the girl's hair.
 But I tell you what, I will put her cunt on the line in a breeding fight.  Winner fucks Tess...

The expression on Tess's face was a mixture of humiliation and arousal, but the horny side of the slut triumphed, and she became aroused at the prospect of both the fight, and being the prize.

The girl rubs his furry muscle pecs and then lets her hands trickle down his rippling fur covered muscled abs.

"This hot babe is your chick?  I figured you just fucked Baloo.  By the way, nice tits, cupcake!"  I respond, giving the slut my sexy killer panty-dropping smile.

“You worried the wrong man is gonna mount you, baby?" I ask the girl. "Uh-uh...." she says negatively, running her hand through the hair on the Lumberjacks massive chest. "Mon cher — I want the strongest bull in me..." she coos. Pierre smirks and nods. "That's me, baby..." he said with a confident grin.

"Fuck, that shit!" I growl. "I will shut your smart mouth and breed your bitch right in front of you!"

"It will take more than mere words to accomplish that, you boastful Yank!" snorted Pierre mockingly.

“I accept your fight challenge. Your bitch is going to love this monster….” I say as I drop my jeans, releasing my python sized cock and low-dangling bull balls. My long, fat horse cock sways, only semi hard but still enormous. Tess's eyes widen in appreciation of my manhood. I flex my pecs and abs, showing off the smooth, deeply tanned power of my upper body, tapering down to my V-cut hips.

"Day-yum!"  his bitch Tess says, nodding in approval. "Looks like you take CARE of YOUR self, Mule!"

I nod and smirk. "Yeah — I'm gonna take care of your Lumberjack AND take care of you...first we fight, and then I'll pump my seed into you"

"I don't think that is gonna happen, big boy. My Lumberjack is quite a fighter. The best in these parts. You are goin' up against is one hell of a man. But its sure to be a hot battle,” she said. “Two huge big-dicked muscle studs like you , fighting full out. Just the thought of it is making me horny! And I get to fuck the horse-cocked Stallion that wins... and that will be Pierre. "

Lumberjack's girlfriend, smiling, pulls off her shirt to reveal her nude body. "Just a reminder of what's riding on this fight. I want to get you muscle boys wound up — good and primal — only the true alpha gets me." like we needed any more incentive...as we mean mug one another like silverback gorillas preparing to rumble.

"Shit, sweetie, you standing there with your big tits hanging out  like that-- you sure are giving me a  boner." I say, and Tess smiles. I continued. "I was noticing here, judging from your boyfriend, that you must really be into muscle." Now Tess looks me up and down.

I smiled back and tighted up my smooth, shaved down muscles. . My abs were two columns of brick work, each individual brick a masterwork of perfection, and my pecs were gargantuan.  I grinned as Tess stared in amazement and Pepe Le Lumberjack mean mugged me. My muscles just kinda sat there, quietly dominating with mammoth size and uncanny definition, exuding  power while my thick, muscular neck and broad powerful shoulders, coupled with two of the thickest, most rippling legs anywhere and 22" rock-hard arms made me look like a god among mere mortals. 

My muscles bulged and I watched Tess smile.  I smiled back at her and while she stared in appreciation at the cliff-like overhang of my heavy pecs and my golden tan nipples I put my hands on my hips, stood right in front of her,  and said "So, babe, you like what you see?"

The bimborific female, still eyeing me up, places both her hands on Lumberjack's huge and tight, muscled ass cheeks and says loudly: "I'm ovulating, baby. Fuck that piece of  Yank trash up and I'll give you a little lumberjack!" Pierre smirks at the thought, then begins stepping toward the center of the fight space. "'I'll take out the trash — don't worry, baby..." he says

Pierre steps forward with confidence as he wants to make an impression for his slut and he doesn't disappoint, getting right up to me, both hands in front of him, then slams them into the my thick pecs and shove me back hard "YOU READY TO GET YOUR ASS KICKED, BITCH?!" Lumberjack screams. Tess cheers as I am forced to step backward.  

But then its my turn to shove the Lumberjack back. "I'M GONNA TAKE YOUR BITCH'S CUNT!" I roars with bravado as our big bodies collide like two Mack Trucks. My cock stiffens at the challenge and my big cockhead, hardens.

Tess steps in to separate us musclemen. Tess locks eyes with me. She smiles with a devilish grin and says softly: "On your knees, stud..."

I looks cautiously at the Lumberjack, then slowly lowered to my knees, looking up at hot slut Tess. She steps forward and then slowly pulls my head forward and into her crotch. She keeps my face there with one hand, then uses her other to lift one, then both of my hands up and on to her ass. I breath deeply, my cock hardening as my muscles flex. Lumberjack looks on, then snorts and shakes his head. "Give him his last treat baby," Pierre snarls."After I'm done, no girl, guy or mutant will go near him again, just like the last one!" he taunts, clearly used to the fact that his girlfriend is playing this role. 

I ignore Lumberjack, rubbing his girlfriend's ass and grunting as my cock fully extends. The girl nods to the Lumberjack who slowly pulls me up and back at his direction. As I remains focused on Tess, with my mouth open slightly, pre-cum bubbling up and coating the head of my horse cock. Pierre drops to his knees and breaths in his female's fertility scent, his cock growing semi hard, then fully erect as his balls hang low between his legs. "You're gonna be riding me soon, baby!" he growls. Tess slowly pulls the Frog-Canadian Lumberjack up. Tess takes a few steps away as both muscled males are fully focused on the smirking female. "now that I have both of you stallions fully aroused, one of you will win the right to breed me..." she continues to smirk while both Lumberjack and I stare at her, our muscled chests slowly rising and falling, our cocks remaining rock hard.

I begin to move slowly toward the girl, muscles flexing and cock swinging. Pierre steps forward and heads me off. "Don't worry, Bitch! I'll beat his ass quick, and be right with you..." he growls. The French Canadian muscleman fighter tenses his muscled core, his abs flexing as he quickly fires his huge right leg up toward my jaw.

Being overly intent on the hot slut, I notice out the corner of my eye, the big leg of  Pierre approaching my head too late! The brutal head kick connects, the only thing keeping me from having been knocked to the ground is that the Lumberjack had grabbed and was holding my left arm. 

Fuckkk... I was a dumb-shit! I was  distracted by the chicks tits
 and the Lumberjack caught me flat footed with a huge kick to my head

Nice kick.  He really rang my bell!
He almost took my big handsome noggin right off my shoulders!
 Serves me right for not having my head in the game!

His size 16 boot nailed me right in the jaw....I'm trying to play on
 through it but daymn, he clocked me good

I shook off the head kick as best I could and took a swing with my right at the Lumberjacks own jaw.  Only to realize that the Canadian strongman is still holding on to my left hand. 

Fuck, he's still got my hand and now he's got me arm-barred.
This dude's fighting skill level is clearly several levels above
 your average Lumberjack's

Hey Logger Man, how about you giving me that hand back?
   I sorta need it...

Ow..Ow..Ow ... aw com'on Big guy I asked you nice ... let go...

Yeah?  And whose gonna make me let go, kid?  You? What can
 you do to me? I'm the better fighter.  I am the stronger man. 
I am the alpha male.This stops when I decide it stops,  you 
American Muscle punk.

 Tess finds watching a big muscleman like you all helpless and
 forced to suffer by an even stronger guy to be hot as fuck.
 Me dominating you this way is foreplay to her.

Glad I could add some spice to your boring sex life but I 
have had enough of your bull shit, you Canuck 
Cocksucker.  You got one hell of a body, Snookums, but you
 ain’t no match for my USA Muscle.

But the Canadian behemoth shows his speed by blocking my arm with his own and instantly smashing his right knee up into my stomach, right above my cock. As he twists his hips into the attack on my concrete abs and I realize that his fighting skill level is clearly a few levels above your average tradie Lumberjack's. I grunt as my body is rocked, my sweat raining onto the ground. I reach forward in an attempt to clamp my hands on the Pierre's mountain size traps, but the Lumberjack grabs my wrists and uses his big Canadian muscles to slowly open up my mid-section. Then he roars out, driving his right knee up and into my muscled ab wall again. I doubled over and coughed.  My still hard abs were resisting the powerful knee strikes, but I was having to flex my abs hard. Fortunately, I had spent a lot of gym time working on my abs, cause Pierre here was really working over my fucking gut, he seemed determined to crush those bricks and break down my ab wall.

Pierre clamps his hands onto my boulder shoulders and flexing his huge biceps and pecs, yanks me towards him as he fires his right knee deep into my muscled stomach in an explosion of sweat, as airs shoots out my mouth. I crash forward into my Canadian nemesis, and slick, hugely muscled pecs pressing against hugely muscled pecs. Pierre pushed my glistenly body off his, then rears back his right arm and fires his anvil of a right towards my rippled abs. As the fist pounds into my muscled gut  I grunt loudly, bending over from the punch as I totter back a step. 

But the stalwart Lumberjack immediately launches himself forward, lowering his shoulder in a tackle aimed at my midsection.  I grunt even louder as Pierre's wide and muscled shoulder connects with my bruising stomach, driving my body backward. I flex my ass and thigh muscles to stay upright.

We circle, our glistening chests heaving. It is obvious that Pierre is fresher and less battered than I am after my earlier fight with the Bear, and therefore is more in control and dominating the fight. And I know I am being dominated. Lumberjack fakes a left punch but instead sends a right hook into my bruised ribs as I begin to defend for an attack from the left. I take yet another hard punch in the ribcage. Pierre wraps his powerful arms around my sweat slick body and holds me in place, as he lifts his knee up and sends it slamming hard into my aching abs, rocking me upward in a shower of sweat. The Canadian steps into my body and fires another knee up into my ribs. I jump back, but Lumberjack's knee still thuds into my stomach, knocking a bunch of precious air out of me. The knee to my gut was brutal and caused me to cry out. I shove Pierre back. My sweat covered muscled pecs and huge chest are heaving for air as I struggle to breath.

"I'm the better fighter, boy. I am the stronger man. Tonight Tess will have no doubt that I am the alpha male, and you will cry as you drink your cheeseburger through a straw!"

Pierre pulled me to my feet just enuff to fire a blistering set of kicks into my ribs, like he was using my body like it was a kick bag. I was groaning in pain, holding my torso.

"Call for your mommy, you little bitch!" Lumberjack shouted as he kicked me hard in the ribs again, making me grunt in pain.

Pierre moves in on me and again clinches with me. As our powerful bodies collide, the Lumberjack uses me for support, wearing me down by making me carry both our considerable weights on my worked over leg. Still in the clinch, Lumberjack slams a hard left hook into my still tight but weakening six pac, showing he's strong and in control. 

Pierre moves in on me and again clinches with me.

Pierre pushes my sweat soaked head back with his left hand,
 exposing my throat.

Then he fires a karate chop at my adam's apple with his free
 hand.

Pierre  pushes my sweat soaked head back with his left hand, exposing my throat. Then he fires a karate chop at my adam's apple with his free hand.

 Fatigued by the back and forth brawling and the attempts to catch my breath in the clinch, I am surprised by the karate chop across the throat. I instinctively clamp both hands on my throat in an attempt to breath, losing my focus momentarily.

Even though I don't see it coming, something brushing past my  cock telegraphs a knee attack coming up between my balls. I try blocking it but too late and the Canadian's knee smashes hard into my bull balls, driving me upward. A strangled cry escapes my lips as my right hand leaves my throat and instinctively moves to cup my injured manhood, my knees buckling, but holding, barely.  I shove the Lumberjack down by his shoulders to break the hold he has on  my throat and to stop him from firing anymore  knee lifts into my exposed nut sack. The Lumberjack growls like a rabid husky as I slowly force him down to one knee.

The Lumberjack growls like a rabid husky as I slowly force
 him down to one knee.

Mutha-fuckin' Yank!

Leave my mother out of this, but who I WILL be fuckin' soon is
 TESS!

That is what YOU think, Yankee Doodle! he said as he fired
 a powerful knee shot into my manhood.

But Lumberjack takes advantage of his kneeling position by firing a powerful uppercut deep into my manhood and my dangling ball sack. 

Pierre fist smashes hard and deep into my fat sack and bull sized testicles, my long shaft saved by its nearly erect status.  Then he rises and gives me a knee to the groin. The brutal punch/knee combo lifts me to my toes before I crash down to my knees, screaming in pain from the dirty hit. I was naked and incredibly vulnerable to his low blow. His cock shot buried his fist into my crotch, burying my private parts into my pelvis "AUGHHHHGH!!!"  I screamed. He has hurt me good...and there's no hiding it. There's no just walking it off with a series of shots to the nads like that....I am suffering...pain so bad that it was one of the few times in my life I was actually sorry I had a set of big bull balls on me...

Tess is going to be taking Lumberjack dick tonight, while you
ice yours Yankee  Doodle!

Not like you were going to use that Mule dick tonight, any way!

Aaaaargh, when did Canadians start fighting dirty!

All is fair in love and war Yank, would it make you feel you got
 your ass whupped by a Canadian if I threw in a SORRY?

I am sorry you are such an inferior man to me Yank, and I am
 sorry you are such a sorry fighter and made me whoop your
 sorry ass!  

The Cheap Fucking Shot has me roaring in pain. I shoot my left hand downward to cover my aching balls. Still whoozy, I instinctively sent my right fist flying towards the Lumberjack's orbs.  But with a smirk, Lumberjack catches my incoming fist.

Pierre had grabbed my fist as I tried to return the favor. Then with a roar, he muscles me and pulls me in closer, then yanks me forward and head butts me in the nose!

Woozy from the throat chop, shot to the balls, and now fully clocked by a head butt, my head snapps back in a spray of sweat.

Now we are two muscled warriors locked in a titanic battle. I know I need to go blow to blow with the Lumberjack but my awareness is fading. I manage to blindly throw a right fist in Pierre's direction. But the Lumberjack sees the attack coming, and brings his arm up and blocks my right. Pierre the Lumberjack's massive log of a cock grows totally hard at the knowledge that he has wounded his foe.

Pierre looks down at me, circling his nude foe, cracking his knuckles slowly as he does, admiring his bloody handiwork and the weaker fighter now laying at his feet.  I was writhing on my back in pain, the air knocked out of my lungs, cupping my nose with one hand and throbbing nuts with the other.  Through the fog and pain, I am dimly aware that Lumberjack has slammed his big boot on my heaving chest to hold me in place, and, with his arms raised, flexed his muscles and roared in victory.  I hear Tess, silent till now, let out a cheer.

Canada wins the gold, the crowd goes WILD!!!!  cried Pierre.

That was the championship cock shot right there!

I climb back to my feet, one hand still holding my busted balls. I walk it off and begin to stalk the Lumberjack once again, circling. Then I shift forward and show my athleticism, jumping high and forward into Pierre's body, pulling my right fist back and then sending it flying down toward Lumberjack's left eye, my right knee colliding with Pierre's chest.  The tree jockey. tries to jump back but gets hit hard, the attack shoving him back and nearly toppling him. The Lumberjack decides to mimic my move, I guess to show off his own athleticism so he wasn't shown up by me in front of his chick, so he races forward, jumping up and sending his right fist downward toward the bridge of my nose. Seeing he was repeating my move I was able to dodge to the side as Pierre  flies past me.   

Pierre, uses the miss to his advantage when he pivots behind me, and ropes his arms underneath my arm pits and muscles me into a full nelson.    His cock grinds into the muscled cheeks of my ass as he yanks me upward to display my captured muscle body to his girlfriend, who laughs at the sight of her boyfriend's bravado. She cheers the dominant move as my mighty muscles flex and bulge as I struggle vainly in the strongly applied hold. Lumberjack then toys with me, torquing the nelson to shoot pain into my upper body, forcing a groan out of me for Tess's enjoyment. My groaning muscled body, glistening with sweat, is fully exposed to Tess for a few seconds before Pierre shifts his lower body and sends two knees up into my lower back, thudding hard into my 'Christmas tree'  that had already taken a working over in my battle with the Bear.

I grunt in pain, my face reddening in anger as I struggle in the Lumberjacks full nelson. The slut Tess is cheering on Pierre's showy move. "You're not going anywhere, punk! At least not until I use this full nelson hold to break your fucking neck!" Pierre taunts in a heavily accented whisper into my right ear. Only thing saving me at this point is my thick, well developed, football player neck.

Can I just say that thngs are not going exactly as I envisioned
 them?

I grunts and flex all my muscles, and Pierre thinks I am trying futilely to escape by muscling out. We both know he's too strong for that to happen. But while he's thinking thats what I am trying, I drop my chin into the deep pec valley of my thick chest.. chest, then fires his head backwards in an effort to break the Lumberjack's nose and hold.

My gorilla sized head connects hard with Pierre's chin stunning the Canadian muscleman, causing him to release his hold just enough for me to began to separate Lumberjack's two hands, finally breaking the grasp. “YEAH FUCKER! I KNEW YOU YOU COULDN’T HOLD ME!” I bellowed as I began to pull apart his pumped guns away from my sweaty torso.  As his hold broke, Lumberjack stumbled back and I turned to face him.  His eyes are glassy from the shot to his chin.

Chest to muscled chest with the Lumberjack, I bring my two hands up and plant them on either side of Pierre's head and send my forehead slamming down into his nose.

I go to follow up with a punch to his now bleeding nose.  But again he shows his quick reflexes by avoiding my right while at the same time catching and once again holding my left and arm barring me, preventing me from getting in close enough to throw my big right.  Fuck, don't this fucker know any other holds?  Not that he seems to need any others! At the same time, Lumberjack was using some brutal Muay Thai style low leg kicks that was stinging the shit out of the hamstring on the back of my 28" leg that he was targeting.  I was already limping,  my leg cramping and bruising up.  This huge woodsman mutherfucker was gonna cripple me.  Once I only got one working leg, he can use me as his personal punching bag.

I laser target his jaw and pull back, ready to launch my anvil sized right fist!

Fucking 're-pete' from Pierre. He blocks my right and gets my
 left in that fuk'n arm bar of his again! 

OUCHHHH!  Something new.  Now he's added some Muay 
Thai style kicks to my leg

Fuck those kicks hurt. My leg is bruising already.
 My hammie is cramping and he's got me limping! A few
 more kicks like those and he's gonna dead-leg me!

Another couple of kicks from this big mutherfucker and I am
 gonna be a helpless one legged punching bag

Lumberjack shakes his head clear then spits in my face. "You fight like a girl, BITCH!" Lumberjack screams, then drives his right knee up into my cast iron abs.

Chest heaving, I snort and spit back into Lumberjack's face then smashes my left fist into Lumberjack's bloody nose. Lumberjack's head snaps violently as he's taken off his feet, landing hard on his ass on the ground, his eyes a glazed over as he looks up at the shocked Tess dumbfounded. "BOOM! HEADSHOT!" I announce with a shout.

His defence is too good.  I can't get my fist past his guard.

OK, you showed you can block my fist.  How about a spinning
 elbow to the nose, big guy.

Better see a good ENT  doc, brah.  It sounded like I broke it!
  [Note: ENT=Ear, Nose,Throat]

Deviated Septum, compliments of your American buddy!
And by the way, your cute when your eyes cross like that,
 sugar plum!

Nose stings like a sonabitch, don't it?  Here, let me give you
 something to take your mind off your nose.  I owe you a kick in
 the nuts anyway.

Big target, easy to hit. Donkey kick right to your ball sack.

FUUUCCKKKK!

UNNNNNNNNHHHHHH!

Pierre continues to moan in pain and confusion as I stand over him, my 9" inch steel hard cock beginning to drip with fuck slime at the thoughts of the fun I will soon be having with Tess.

Why so quiet, Canada bro. And by bro, I mean never my bro...
Where's that smart mouth of yours now, eh?

I'm totally kicking your ass, Frenchie.
And your main slut is over there watching me do it.
Just how fucking embarrassed are you right now,
 Lumber Puke?

I got to tell you I'm a little disappointed, bro...
I thought Lumberjacks were supposed to be tough!

 I walk around my rivals downed form, as my cock drips to the ground. I take my time, strutting around in a show for Tess. My huge chest out, the muscled body that had taken her muscleman apart, on full display.

Frère Pierre, Frère Pierre, Dormez-vous? Dormez-vous?
Your ass I am kicking, I will have you hearing ringing!'
Ding, ding dong!  Ding, ding, dong!

You picked the wrong American to mess with! MAGA BABY!

What you say Pierre, you want to make Canada be all cuck
again?  I can arrange that!

You started this day off a winner, and shall end it a complete
LOSER!

I reach down and grab the Lumberjack by the hair, so I can see his battered face.  Pierre was in a world of pain. I lower myself down to my ass, sliding my vanquished foe arm into an arm bar and torquing it hard. "What was it that you said you were going to do to me???" I ask in a quiet, cocky tone. Then,with a smile on my face, I follow up with "Who is the alpha male now, Frenchie?"

Pierre's cock stays hard despite my win. Tess notices, and she and I both snicker.

The Canuck Lumberjack's cock continues to rise as I pull him up to his feet. Locking eyes, I wrapped my arms around the Pierre's barrel chest pressing him up against me as I re-hugged the rugged muscleman, this time trapping his arms at his sides. I squeezed his arms together, punishing his huge iron muscled chest with my own armor plating.

The Lumberjack struggled but couldn't move my arms. My biceps bulged as I brought my powerful arms under Pierre's muscled ass. I slowly lifted the Herculean forest muscleman off his feet. Barely conscious, he can only moan as I muscle him around like a rag doll. My powerful oversized muscles flex and peak as I hold the defeated Lumberjack suspended in the air, putting his beaten muscled body on display for his girl, Tess, and claiming my prize by doing so.

My powerful muscles flex and peak as I hold the defeated 
Lumberjack suspended overhead, putting his beaten muscled
 body on display

Since Lumberjack is so nicely laid out on the ground, I decide to finish him with a body slam. I jump up high to frog splash him but while I am coming down Pierre by instinct fires his right heel upward and into my now descending muscled stomach. I grunt loudly as the foot barely misses my fat cock and connects to my abs, but it doesn't stop gravity from landing me on top of the Lumberjack. I quickly slide up the beefy Canadian strongman's slick torso which I straddle with my knees as I mount Pierre's chest. Blood drips down onto the Lumberjack's thick sweaty pecs from his nose. My bull cock harden as I raise my right arm back over my mounted and downed opponent. I fire my right fist toward the Lumberjack's bloodied nose, but Pierre blocks me by swatting my arm away.

I reach down, with the Lumberjack still pinned in my mount. I lift the Canadian powerhouse's head and neck up off the ground — my hands turning white with the power as my biceps and pecs peak and shake with effort — then I smash Pierre's head into the hard ground. As the Lumberjack's head bounces off the ground, his arms go limp, crashing to his side, his eyeballs rolling up into his head. I hear a female shriek from behind me as I started my  final attack.

It's been real, dude, but I need to wrap this up.
I still got to fuck your chick before I get on the road back home.

As they say, it's been real, it's been fun, but it hasn't been real
fun, oh wait it has, I kicked your ass and will fuck your girl!

Still got some fight in you eh, Pierre?! 

Time for lights out, Petey-boy!

A little sugar while I take care of  Ol' Pierre!

Hey, wake up big man! You don't want to sleep thru me fucking
 your babe, do you?

Yeah, that's it.  Wakey-Wakey, Sugar Plum.

You're looking dazed and confused there, my glassy eyed friend.
Need me to fill you in and bring you up to date on what you 
missed?

The short version is I kicked your ass and now I'm going to fuck
 your chick.  The long version is....well, there is no long version.

I snort and send bloody spit flying down onto Pierre's motionless face, smiling at my defeated opponent. With a sigh, I bring one leg up, then  step back, standing over Pierre, and my right foot down on the Lumberjack's softening manhood. I give the a victory double bicep pose. Pierre's eyes barely open with a grunt of pain I look down, smirking, but abandon all interest in the tree cutter at the sight of his female in heat, ready and waiting for me. Pierre watches me slowly stalk toward her, my cock hardening to peak rapidly as I stare at her perfect body. "Come to papa, cupcake..." I growl.

“About fucking time, huh babe!  I know how much you must have been looking forward to this...” I said, stroking my massive cock that had grown to an immense size during the course of my fight with her Lumberjack, “I got to admit it took a little longer and was a little harder winning fuck rights to your cunt, that I thought it would be, but now I finally get to have my crack at your tight pussy myself!"

With that, I grabbed Tess's hips, lifting her like she was made of feathers, and flipping her over onto her stomach and moving her so that she was in a doggy position, as I stood behind her and lined up my massive cock with the opening of her dripping, smooth pussy.

“You ready to feel a real mans cock?” I asked, leaning in and licking Tess ear. "Because I am ready for a trip DEEP inside Canada!" I said appreciating Tess's natural Canadian beauty.

“God yes! I need it! I need it NOW!” Tess moaned, shaking as he prepared for the onslaught.

“Watch and Listen, loser! I want you to see her face when I break this bitch open, I want you to hear her screams,” I call out to Unlucky Pierre. “You ready, bitch?” I say to Tess, but not waiting for an answer.

“Ye-Aghhhhhhh!” Tess began as she screamed from my shoving my monstrous knob deep in her pussy.

I FUCK the Bitch and I CUCK the Lumberjack

“Yeah, that’s fucking right bitch! You hear that, faggot? You hear how my big cock made her squeal!  I stuck a huge log of a dick in your girl lumberjack and am making a cuckold of you while you watch!”

Pierre merely  moaned and muttered some indecipherable French epithets

I close the distance and quickly slide my manhood into her pussy with a thrust of my muscled ass. She takes all nine fat inches of dick, closing her eyes and cooing as I start to thrust hard.

The watching Lumberjacks burst into laughter, some applauding.  My ample ass muscles flex with every penetration.


The Lumberjack hears his girl's moaning as I  enter his girlfriend over and over. "Merde..." Pierre says weakly, his own cock again beginning to harden at the sound.



“Oh god! Oh fuck! Youre a fucking horse! Youre so-ugh! So big! " Tess moans. "He's as big as you are" she calls out to the down form of the Lumberjack still on the ground that I had all but forgotten. "Your cock hurts as much as his does..." she tells me next.

“Fuck bitch, you trying to claim your boys manhood is a match for mine? bitch you came just from me entering you! You comparing my python to your man's baby dick!” I laughed as I grabbed Tess's hair and pulled her head back to arch her back as I pounded even deeper, going balls deep into the screaming girl, “That’s right, slut, take every fucking inch! I’m going to ruin you for your limp dicked boyfriend, you’re never going to feel him again when I’m done with you!”

The Lumberjack couldn’t believe his eyes or ears, Tess's eyes had rolled into the back of her head as she let out a continuous squeal as her body was thrown forward with my every thrust and she was pulled back by her hair as I withdrew, again and again. The air filled with my own grunts and moans as I showed off my incredible stamina by fucking Tess at an incredible, brutal pace;

"Am I bigger than your boyfriend, huh? Can you feel me stretching you? More than he ever could?"  I asked, never letting up on my relentless pounding, her doggystyle and pulling her hair with one had and giving her a hard spank on her beautiful tight ass with the other. “Come on, I think it’s time for you to decide, bitch,” I , continued, insisting on an answer. “Who is the real man? And who is the better fuck?”

Does this make me the KING OF CANADA?  Because it is
GOOD to be the KING, baby!

More bets were being laid by the Lumberjacks in the audience, they were certainly getting quite the show!

"Questions,questions,nobody told me there would be a test!  I don't do well on tests!"  Tess cried, eyes tearing up.

"It is alright sweetcheeks, I am sure you will ace the ORAL EXAM."  and she did, oh baby she did!

That is when the RCMP showed up again, and why I am banned from visiting Canada for 3 years...

I hope you enjoyed your stay in Canada, now please go home
 and don't come back!

Post script:  While Pierre faded into drunkness and obscurity in the aftermath of his humiliation, Baloo on the other hand, went on to fame and fortune across the Canadian West! Baloo and I are now friends on FACEBOOK!

Post Post Script: Canada represents our third biggest fanbase after US and UK, so it was aboot time we did a Canadian themed story...eh?

We encourage you to visit Canada, the danger from bears is
GREATLY exaggerated!

You have a greater chance in Canada of being killed by a
MOOSE than a bear, so relax!

The Blog Legal Department insists we include the following advisory warning lest you try to be like Mule:

*****************************************

FINAL SCORE
America 3  Canada 0!

(the bear TOTALLY counts!)

Happy 242nd birthday, America!

Blogger doesn't let us do polls anymore, so please let us know how much you LOVE the story, and for our many Canadian readers, we say SORRY! Heh, we know you Canadians cannot resist the power of that word!