Vignette: Legend

 I head out to this party last night. Wife beater, Jeans, Aviator Glasses, and my gallon jug of water. I take a spot on the couch, staring at the Sports Center on the boob box and slugging my H2O. Chick approaches me to talk, and the following ensues:

Her: “You want a beer or something?”

Me: [Condescending Sneer]

Her: Alright fine you don’t have to be a dick about it.

I was acting ALPHA, but came on a bit too strong, so as she was walking away I said "Yeah, well, I actually drink this because I'm really into bodybuilding and I'm trying to get super cut up".

…and she's like: "Yeah i can tell you have a really good body". I start rubbing my abs and saying how hard I worked them today, and she asks if she can have a peek. At this point, I start speaking louder. "My ABS... you want to see MY ABS? I don’t know if I can SHOW MY ABS in the MIDDLE OF THIS PARTY". Bish is drooling like Pavlov’s dog at this point. Damn I think the bish was picking out bridal dresses in her head.

However her fantasizes are moot at this point as all other chicks in the vicinity had flocked over to as I lifted up my beater and revealed those six prize ripples. I was collecting phone numbers by the score.

Then some 5'10" 150 lb. soaking wet, 13 inch bicep, pretty boy shows up.

Pretty Boy: [lifting up shirt] “What, you think you're special? You're nothing!”

[I will concede he had a decent six pack but no real muscle, I call them SKINNY PACKS]

I take a big slug of my water jug and plot my next move. I ripped off my beater and hit the crowd with a lat flare. Excited Shrieks and cries of "Oh my god, they look like WINGS!" ripped through the party. Pretty boy then proceeds to show his abs again (what else is he gonna do; flash his 13" water pistols?)

GAME OVER!!!!!

I look at him, take another slug of water and say "Game over." With a side tri and back double that will be talked about for ages, I got a standing ovation from the crowd. Ladies flocked to feel up my ripped body as pretty boy stood there. All I could do was laugh.

Then he made some crack about me being “Just a fucking juicer.” As if that somehow explained the disparity in our sizes and not the difference in genetics and time spent in the gym. I had been pretty tolerant of his impudence up to this point, but one does not disrespect Mule. I had five points to make about why he is was in error, and I made them.

I think his nose was FLATTENED and he may have swallowed a few teeth, but all I can for sure say is he wasn’t looking quite as pretty when he was lying unconscious on the floor. I snapped my fingers at some jock sniffers, and they hauled the carcass away. Mess cleaned, I lost interest in him and turned back to the sloots now driven mad by both my body and my demonstration of physical dominance.


So at this point I knew I had my pick of any girl at the party. I approached a sexy brunette and invite her to the upstairs bathroom with me, so I could "Show her my biggest muscle". 10 seconds after closing the door she was slobbering my knob. As I finished, I opened the door and there was a line of hot bishes. They weren’t waiting to use the can, but were waiting to use me. I selected a trio of primes, and they are all over me with slobbering kisses and tongues.

Having been partied out, I walked straight out the front door, jacket over one arm and gallon of water in the other. The sexy brunette ran for the intercept. "Call me!" she screams as I strut through the door. As I pile into my car., I give an over the shoulder. "We'll see" Keeping it alpha, letting her know she's nothing special to me and speed off into the night, a legend.

Fucking LOL