Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Musings from Valhalla: Mule the Public (and Pubic) servant




Sometimes I go sober to bars and pick fights with drunk guys on purpose just for fun

Last Thursday in Boulder (college night at a popular bar) I went in and noticed this douchy looking jacked up  kid who lifted and juiced.... 




....who was obviously wasted as hell, and I just decided that I would beat his ass cause I didn't like the way he sounded - he was too loud for my liking.








 I kept my eye on him most of the night and when he went to the bathroom I went after him, calmly. When I walked in he was washing his hands and checking his face in the mirror and I just slapped him. He goes: "The fuk?!!!!" and we threw hands and then  I put him to sleep with my famous five punch combo, before the bouncers broke in. Of course the bouncers bought my story as I was the only one conscious, and they were so fucking scared of me they could of been kissing my big muscular glutes the way they fawned all over me, guess my reputation vis-a-vis Bouncers had  reached Boulder, as I haven't had any trouble here, they might as well salute every time I walk up to the door.   Of course as he came too, they kicked his beaten and confused ass out.  He should be wearing a nice shiner at school tomorrow!


Mule said to take you out with the trash,
and what Mule says goes!



"I still don't understand what the fuck
 happened,everything is hazy for
the last forty minutes or so....
I do remember this giant fist
flyin' at mah face though....
"





And it's just funny how these severely drunk dickheads all think they are MMA fighters when they are drunk LOL especially when they go for the takedown LOL

How they THINK it's going to go:
 "Light's out Mule!"



How it actually goes:
College jock:  "Mrmghemmmm"
Mule" "Swallow every drop, you gonna
need protein if you wanna avoid
ANOTHER beatdown from the Mule in the future
."



For most of these college bravos, you kinda just push them to the side and they fall down! Heck I can huff and puff and they fall before me like Autumn leaves.










Last time I did it was like ten days ago

I went to the bars, same old shit and the whole night this huge swole 'roided out Arabic looking guy with sunglasses on in the bar was just being obnoxious as fuck.




He was about my size, and I just did not like him. Nothing more, nothing less. So purposely I stand next to him while I order myself a coke and he's bumping into me and I just decided to lay down the law. I made  a hard huge fist...



....turned around right in his face and I said something like  "Those glasses are really gonna hurt!" 

He gives me this thuggish look like "WHA???


"Wha?"


I headbutted him and just caught him with a clean shot right in his face. He went down like a sack of shyt. He got up, we exchanged, I didn't take any damage except a spot under my left eye, and he goes down again,,, the bouncers jump in, bouncers bought my story cause it's me vs a drunk Arabic dude with sunglasses. And I  am the Mule and they couldn't metaphorically pucker up any faster for my glutes.







I was like ,  "I am the KING of this TOWN, this is not bad at all." Plus it has the sloots ALL OVER ME, "It's good to be the king!"





The next drunk dude I knocked out, I hit so hard, I had to swing around middle of the next week, to make sure I turned him on  his side and make sure he didn't swallow his tongue. 




Eventually you're going to hit a guy who can handle himself or has his mates that could handle you easily


Him: "Shit son, I eat punks like you for breakfast!"
Me: *GULP!!!!!!!!!!*

Knuckle Sandwich For Mule, order up for MULE!






Mule plays Astronomer, AGAIN!





. There is always someone better than you at anything, so you gonna get wrecked soon



Yes it is true, sometimes Mule ends up in a back alley dumpster, seeing constellations and tweety birds circling his head.  You can't win 'em all, but I DAMN sure win MOST OF THEM.  Nothing like walking into the law officers with a shiner and a fat lip.  They know better than to ask. The running joke is of course:  "You should see the OPPOSING counsel!"


"Hold all my calls!"





True Story. In the last few months it's really become my favorite thing to do. Beating up douchebags, and hurling them in the trash. I know, I know it's a horrible thing to do but it is a form of stress relief... as well as a public service. and I really try to pick out obnoxious douchebags.


Homo douchebagius


Plus it gets me some high quality horned up college sloots.  Don't believe the Oprah crap about how women hate violence, and how peaceful shit would be if women ruled the world.  If women ruled the world, we would all be fighting each other like gladiators for pussy. Well even MORE than we do now. Because it would all be hoez before bros in that universe!


"Are you sloots, not entertained?"




Ask me anything. I probably pulled this shit at least 10 times in the last six weeks. It's really simple if you are sober. You'd be surprised how easy it is There is a certain satisfaction of beating up some drunk obnoxious guy. To see his eyes spinning in his head like the tiles on a one arm bandit, and when it lands on its final position, blood and teeth fragments are discharged from the douche's mouth, and I am collecting chits from all the pussy in the joint. Well somebody's gotta take care of the loud mouth douche bags and keep the sloots of Boulder satisfied! Why not Mule?







No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts