Sometimes I go sober to bars and
pick fights with drunk guys on purpose just for fun
Last Thursday in Boulder (college
night at a popular bar) I went in and noticed this douchy looking jacked
up kid who lifted and juiced....
....who was
obviously wasted as hell, and I just decided that I would beat his ass cause I
didn't like the way he sounded - he was too loud for my liking.
I kept my eye
on him most of the night and when he went to the bathroom I went after him,
calmly. When I walked in he was washing his hands and checking his face in the
mirror and I just slapped him. He goes: "The fuk?!!!!" and we threw
hands and then I put him to sleep with my famous five punch combo, before the bouncers broke in. Of course the bouncers bought my story as I was the only one conscious, and they were so fucking scared of me they could of been kissing my big muscular glutes the way they fawned all over me, guess my reputation vis-a-vis Bouncers had reached Boulder, as I haven't had any trouble here, they might as well salute every time I walk up to the door. Of course as he came too, they kicked
his beaten and confused ass out. He should be wearing a nice shiner at school tomorrow!
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| Mule said to take you out with the trash, and what Mule says goes! |
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| "I still don't understand what the fuck happened,everything is hazy for the last forty minutes or so.... I do remember this giant fist flyin' at mah face though...." |
And it's just funny how
these severely drunk dickheads all think they are MMA fighters when they are
drunk LOL especially when they go for the takedown LOL
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| How they THINK it's going to go: "Light's out Mule!" |
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| How it actually goes: College jock: "Mrmghemmmm" Mule" "Swallow every drop, you gonna need protein if you wanna avoid ANOTHER beatdown from the Mule in the future." |
For most of these college bravos, you kinda just push
them to the side and they fall down! Heck I can huff and puff and they fall before me like Autumn leaves.
Last time I did it was
like ten days ago
I went to the bars, same
old shit and the whole night this huge swole 'roided out Arabic looking guy
with sunglasses on in the bar was just being obnoxious as fuck.
He was about my
size, and I just did not like him. Nothing more, nothing less. So purposely I
stand next to him while I order myself a coke and he's bumping into me and I
just decided to lay down the law. I made
a hard huge fist...
....turned around right in his face and I said something like "Those glasses are really gonna hurt!"
He gives me this thuggish look
like "WHA???"
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| "Wha?" |
I headbutted him and
just caught him with a clean shot right in his face. He went down like a sack
of shyt. He got up, we exchanged, I didn't take any damage except a spot under
my left eye, and he goes down again,,, the bouncers jump in, bouncers bought my
story cause it's me vs a drunk Arabic dude with sunglasses. And I am the Mule and they couldn't metaphorically pucker up any faster for my glutes.
I was like , "I am the KING of this TOWN, this is not bad at all." Plus it has the sloots ALL OVER ME, "It's good to be the king!"
The next drunk dude I knocked out, I hit so hard, I had to swing around middle of the next week, to make sure I turned him on his side and make sure he didn't
swallow his tongue.
Eventually you're going
to hit a guy who can handle himself or has his mates that could handle you
easily
. There is always someone better than you at anything, so you gonna get wrecked soon
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| Him: "Shit son, I eat punks like you for breakfast!" Me: *GULP!!!!!!!!!!* |
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Knuckle Sandwich For Mule, order up for MULE! |
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| Mule plays Astronomer, AGAIN! |
. There is always someone better than you at anything, so you gonna get wrecked soon
Yes it is true, sometimes Mule ends up in a back alley dumpster, seeing constellations and tweety birds circling his head. You can't win 'em all, but I DAMN sure win MOST OF THEM. Nothing like walking into the law officers with a shiner and a fat lip. They know better than to ask. The running joke is of course: "You should see the OPPOSING counsel!"
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| "Hold all my calls!" |
True Story. In the last few months it's really become my favorite thing to do. Beating up douchebags, and hurling them in the trash. I know, I know it's a horrible thing to do but it is a form of stress relief... as well as a public service. and I really try to pick out obnoxious douchebags.
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| Homo douchebagius |
Plus it gets me some high quality horned up college sloots. Don't believe the Oprah crap about how women hate violence, and how peaceful shit would be if women ruled the world. If women ruled the world, we would all be fighting each other like gladiators for pussy. Well even MORE than we do now. Because it would all be hoez before bros in that universe!
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| "Are you sloots, not entertained?" |
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