Originally composed May 27, 2008
UPDATED Sep. 2015
There are three main species of muscle dudes: Juiceheads & Meatheads and Bodybuilders
OVERVIEW
-Juicehead a.k.a. Juice monkey relies heavy on the 'roids and is basically just a poser. Large and ripped for his size and it is apparent that he has been on many cycles of cattle steroids... His balls will be shrunken and his attitude will be of that of a teenage girl during her period. Don't fuck with a juice-monkey or shit will go down. The huge guy you see at the gym who thinks hes hot shit and does more talking than lifting, then you see him out at the clubs till 5 am every night.
-Meathead puts in his time in at the gym
and usually got more dedication to the iron game. A lot of meatheads started
out as jocks. An
enormously muscular guy who cannot hold a conversation about anything other
than weight-lifting and protein shakes. Typically a muscular person who walks around with their arms out to their side. Shaved head and tattoos are characteristics of a meathead. Also known as a hardass. and shopping at Hollister are also essential parts of the average meathead's day. Meatheads also tend to abbreviate where they live by putting the first letter of the city, and adding *town after. In addition to lacking high IQs, meatheads tend to stereotype things and people completely wrong. Gets upset very quickly when he cannot complete his own sentences and thoughts. They eat to the point of puking to try and put on weight, and don't have much going on upstairs in their brains, as its just meat up there, not brains --a guy(most of the time) who is obsessed with foot ball and weight lifting and wrestling, etc. 24/7 They are by far the most closely related human beings to that of apes, chimpanzees, and other lesser primates. They are evolutionary hindered.
-Bodybuilder is thoroughly dedicated to the gym and building up his body, and regards those outside of bodybuilding to be lesser mortals. It is a monomania for them, and they will go into anaphylactic shock if away from the gym for too long or if someone encourages them to try Crossfit. An insanely large and muscular individual that only thinks about body building, the gym, and protein. They restrict themselves from even drinking as they are afraid of losing muscle mass, and contemplate or already do use steroids... their knowledge of weight training is endless, and many non-muscular fellows look up to them.
This is courtesy of my buddy 'Big Bama Jay,
who is a true bodybuilder...who tells me I got to watch it cause I got
"meathead" tendencies--lol
"I am so sick of the
term bodybuilder being thrown into the same category as "juicehead"
or "meathead" ,etc. So I will clarify it mostly for you GIRLS (who
seem to be repeat offenders) and skinny little guidos who wish they had what we
have..." ~Big Bama Jay
CLOTHING
Juicehead : Purchases
Medium size Diesel/AX/D&G shirts that fit like latex to make them LOOK
big. Frequently found shopping at Hollister
Meatheads: wears cutoff t-shirts, wifebeaters, or whenever possible goes shirtless
Bodybuilder: Can't fit into Diesel/AX/D&G because
XXL's are too small and we are REALLY that big.
FIGHTING
Juicehead: Immediately removes shirt and
decides to fight everyone in the club because they stepped on his puma's. When
he realizes he's either out-numbered and/or way out-sized he calls his
imaginary friends from Staten Island that will never arrive.
Meathead: Enjoys a good brawl, Has a real crew, and takes no prisoners
Bodybuilder: Could give a shit less about fighting because we have
alot better things to do than end up in jail where we can't eat and train like
we need to. Plus our days are tiring, after eating 8 meals, training, and going
to work we are too tired to deal with a 5'8" 180lb handjob who likes to
run his mouth. If we need to fight, we will, but you aren't really worth our
time.
APPEARANCE
Juicehead: Tan Monday
through Sat. (sun. the salon is closed) to look good at Surf Club, Djai's, or
just generally remain orange throughout the winter. Barber once a week for a
"shape-up" or "brooklyn"
Meathead: Trucker tan from driving around with arm out the window of the pick-up or s.u.v. showing off the guns. Hair mostly hidden under a baseball cap, but unruly.
Bodybuilder:
Tan pre-competition because we want to look good on stage. Hair? who gives a
shit, its covered in a beanie most of the time and when we do go out, no ones
looking at our hair anyway.
DIET
Juicehead: Canoli's, Calzones, Prosciutto, Lasagna, Garlic Bread, etc.
(getting the picture?)
Meathead and Bodybuilder: Meat...small children,
animals, anything we need to get big.
TRAINING
Juicehead: Mon: Chest, Tues: Arms, Weds: chest, Thurs: Arms, Fri:
chest, Sat: Arms. Ab's at the end of every session.
Meathead: Whatever they read about in the latest Muscle and Fitness Magazine
Bodybuilder: If I told you, you wouldn't understand...thanks for
asking though.
PURPOSE IN LIFE
Juicehead: To gain as much water weight as physically possible (Dbol
and Deca baby!) for the shortest period of time in which they acquire their 18
year old girlfriend (who still has a curfew) that they met at Joey's and took
home and finger banged the first night.
Meathead: To stop seeing the Bigorexia fueled skinny kid in the mirror-a futile goal
Bodybuilder: To
become an absolute monster and make the above mentioned look bad.
So i think i just about covered everything there. If anyone
has any questions feel free to ask. Any complaints...go fuck yourself.
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