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OF THE YEAR 2015! |
When you live in a college town like Boulder and you are tall, handsome, built-as-fuck, alpha, hung and a lawyer to boot, the local co-eds just spread their legs apart for my staff like I was Moses and their gams were the Red Sea.
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| "It's MULE!!!!!" |
The complications arise AFTER I fuck them. It doesn't matter how many HBs I have banged at that particular sorority house or residence hall...afterward a dose of being Muled, they are all changing their Facebook relationship statuses and flipping through Modern Bride.
The other problem with them is they talk too much. I have found a fix for that: Duct tape and a nerf ball. Ever since that 50 Shades of Grey crap came out and I was able to crib it from an Amazon Review, I have been able to come off like the ROMANTIC GUY protagonist of that book while I prep 'em after I have finished filling that particular orifice with my donger. They believe me when I tell them as Ol' Grey Mule, that being gagged enhances their pleasure during the humping experience, but y'all know whose pleasure is really enhanced.
This is why lately, I have been preferring to pick up MILF sloots at Walmart. You can find some amazingly hot ones in Boulder there when doing one's late night shopping. They don't talk so much and they dwell in an Entanglement free zone!
Dating is a lot of work, and a lot of money. That is why I much prefer just banging chicks. Skip to the chase, avoid all the mundane, and go right for the payoff. It is like those movies that are so much better as coming attractions, then when you see the whole thing!
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| Number one secret to attractin' and bangin' chicas: Mule-sized muscles! |
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'BISHES' SEE MY MUSKELS, AND THEY COVER ME HEAD TO TOE IN 'KISHES'.
Tried and true Ice breakers*:
* Legal caveat-These lines when used by mere mortals like yourselves may risk NEGATIVE RESPONSES such as slappage to the face and a knee to the gonads. Mule is not responsible for ANY injuries sustained using these lines.
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| Mule Ice breakers-- have that FRESH flava... |
-Mule favorite pick up lines #1: Nice shoes, wanna fuck?
-Mule favorite pick up lines #2: Didn't anyone tell you that you wanted to sleep with me?!?! I thought you knew...
-Mule favorite pick up lines #3: I saved a girl's life last night. I pulled a 9 inch piece of meat out of her mouth to save her life. Can I save your life?
-Mule favorite pick up lines #4: Did you just sit in a water puddle, or are you just happy to see me?
-Mule favorite pick up lines #5: Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
-Mule favorite pick up lines #6: Are your legs made of Nutella? Because I'd love to spread them!
-Mule favorite pick up lines #7:That shirt's very becoming on you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too.
-Mule favorite pick up lines #8: I think it's time I tell you what people are saying behind your back..."Nice Ass!"
-Mule favorite pick up lines #9: Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
-Mule favorite pick up lines #10: You know what I like in a girl? My dick!
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| "Isn't MULE just a CHARMER!" |
Sometimes I think, if I could JUST hook up with someone as sexy as me it would be all good....
but then I think, it would probably just end like this...
MULE DATES MULE:
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| I thought: What the hell, I'll bang an alien chick... I hear they love that anal probing! |
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